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SYNOPSIS:
Millie learns to handle even Al Capone as the Roaring Twenties’ hope and extravagance slides into the despair of the Great Depression. This love story about the economic and family struggles of Millie and Max is presented as a 1920’s film while the concurrent story of Al Capone, with its Prohibition, G-men and gangsters, interweaves the societal fabric of the 20’s. Radio, talkies, popular music and print infuse this exciting story with an historic flavor.
CAST:
6 males: age 20 - 40 years
6 females: age 20 - 40
1 male age 20 – 40 few lines
1 female age 60 or older
MILLIE and
MAX, faced with job loss, opt to run a boarding house.
WAUNETA, Millie’s sister, finds herself in a family way with
HERBIE, Max’s best friend.
SISTER AMIEE quickly executes Wauneta and Herbie’s wedding.
MACHINE GUN KELLY and
SHORTIE, needing to get out of Chicago, happen upon the boarding house and demand assistance in getting Mr. Capone’s suit tailored.
VANDALIA, a mysterious lady of leisure at the boarding house, is an undercover agent.
LOTTIE, boarding house guest, is delighted to be caught up in a world which does not demand that she type thirty-two words a minute.
ROSEMARIE and
CHAUNCY, boarding house guests, quietly discover each other.
MA, Millie and Wauneta’s mother, shows Millie what she needs to do to survive during hard times.
AL CAPONE goes from unknown to Nation’s Number One Most Wanted.
RADIO ANNOUNCER propels the action with updates on Capone.
----Detailed Character Description follows the script.
TIME: 1929 - 1931
PLACE: The mid-west city of Fort Wayne in between Chicago and Rome City, a little town on a lake in northern Indiana.
SETTING: Millie and Max’s simple apartment (on R apron or on a removable set downstage center)
The Boarding House
Radio Announcer’s simple studio (on L apron)
The radio/bridge music is essential; please secure rights where applicable: I Had a Dream Dear, Five Foot Two, ABA DABA Honeymoon, Ain’t We got Fun, Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland, Oh, Solo Mio, Brother Can You Spare a Dime?, Oh, Promise Me, Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life! Any music pre 1932 for pre-show is generally in public domain: ragtime, drag, etc. Piano score available to peruse. Caruso CD available.
Excerpts & First scene of
AL CAPONE AND ME
A new full-length 1920’s comedy with music
by Ruth Tyndall Baker
MILLIE (ENTERING to CENTER APRON.) Good evening, folks! Thanks for coming to the world premiere of the talkie about Al Capone and me. It’s pretty amazing that I ended up in a picture with him of all people! --the nation’s Number One Most Wanted. After all, I’m just a simple farm girl who came to the city lookin’ for work. Gee, Max and me just wanted to get married and have kids. But you never know what can happen in life, right? But I met Al Capone myself, and it was all because of a “Room for Rent” sign!
So sit back and enjoy the show and find out how it all happened!
ANNOUNCER: (In full view for the entire show L APRON.) And now,
ladies and gentlemen, “I Had a DREAM!”
(HE PLAYS a 1920’s record. MUSIC.)
‘I had a dream, dear, you had one, too;
Mine was the best for it was of you;
Come, sweetheart, tell me, now is the time;
You tell me your dream;
I’ll tell you m-i-n-e…mine.’
MILLIE (Packing picnic basket.) Oh, now, Max, those gangsters go to the big cities like Chicago and Detroit—not like to Rome City. It’s just a little burg on a lake, --bait shops and Dew Drop Inns. And Fort Wayne’s not much bigger. For heaven’s sake! Gangsters coming to town, taking over the unions. Where do you get such ideas!
MAX
It’s all over the newspapers. –And it’s on the radio all the time!
MILLIE You don’t hear that sort of stuff on the radio; you don’t even have a radio!
MAX Herbie does. It’s a” Farnsworth.” Herbie says there’s news on the radio every day about all kinds of things goin’ on.
MILLIE Oh, Herbie pretends to know it all. He talks a lot.
MAX Well, he does know stuff about the unions and all the gangsters. He says the radio says pretty soon the gangsters’ll be in every state in the country!
MILLIE Oh, Pshaw!
MAX Pshaw? Don’t be so old-fashioned, Millie..
MILLIE I guess I’ll say ‘Pshaw” if I want to! Why, I’ve heard ‘Pshaw’ all my life!
MAX Yeap. Down on the farm. (Beat.) What’s wrong? What’d I say that’s wrong? I was just teasing you.
MILLIE (Beat.) I didn’t want to leave the farm.
MAX Why not?
MILLIE (Disturbed by thoughts of leaving farm.) Why not what?
MAX Why didn’t you want to leave the farm?
MILLIE Why, the gangsters.
MAX (LAUGHING.) Oh, Millie! Well, there’s nothing in the Journal today about that Dillenger guy. Not a word. Today it’s hot news about that Capone fella.
MILLIE Ma told me they weren’t here; only in Chicago and Detroit; and that’s how I know they’re not here; and that’s the only reason why I’d come here to find a job.
MAX ‘Cause your mother told you that? How in hell does she know? She doesn’t get a newspaper on the farm, and she doesn’t have a radio either! Right? (Beat.) She doesn’t have a radio, --right?
MILLIE Don’t use that kind of language with me, Max Millard!
MAX Sorry, it sort of slipped out. Mill talk, you know.
MILLIE The girls don’t talk that way in my factory. You mean to tell me they talk like that at the mill?
MAX Well, sure and worse! It’s a regular viper’s nest! If I didn’t need to buy bread and butter, I’d get out of there. But, maybe I wouldn’t; the work’s okay. Guess I like it.
MILLIE You do?
MAX It’s kind of interesting…watching all that wire roll up on the whirlin’ spools…wire of every size. Some of it as soft ‘n thin as sewing thread; no, more like a, a spider’s trail.
MILLIE Any “gangsters” work there? —Taking over the union?
MAX I’m telling you, Millie, they’re all over! They drive from Detroit to Chicago; then from Chicago to Fort Wayne or to Rome City. They hang out up there in the middle of that lake on a little island at a dance hall…a regular speakeasy, all right: girls ‘n hooch ‘n blackjack ‘n everything.
MILLIE Oh, Max! Don’t be silly.
MAX I’m not being silly! That little burg is just far enough away from Chicago those gangsters feel safe from the law –but it’s not so far for them to go when those mobsters start
machine gunnin’ !
MILLIE Machine gunnin’!
MAX Yeah. Machine gunnin’ each other. Why, sometimes they line ‘em up against a brick wall and mow’em down! Yeap. They have gang wars all right, and then somebody’s gotta get outta town.
MILLIE (GATHERING picnic basket.) You’re making that all up cause you don’t want to go.
MAX (READING.) No foolin’, Millie. Listen to this: ‘Pretending to be police, hoodlums rigged up a siren on top of a Cadillac; and arriving at high speed with siren blaring, they ordered members of a rival gang to line up against a wall. Seven men, including George ‘Bugs’ Moran, were gunned down in cold blood in this on-going gang-wars incident.’
MILLIE I don’t want to hear about it! Dillenger, Capone or not, we’re still going to go to the picnic at Rome City. The girls’ll be wondering where we are. Come on, we gotta get there by noon. We’ll be late! (Beat.) Well? Are you coming?
MAX (Reluctant.) It’s supposed to have good fishin’.
MILLIE Yes!
(MAX LOOKS AWAY.)
We’re not going to the island, for heaven’s sake! The boss’s got a cottage up there on the north shore. Sorry, no crooks there!
(MAX LOOKS straight ahead, frozen.)
Aren’t we going? …Max? …What’s wrong with you?
MAX I…
MILLIE What? ( eat.) Well, are we going or aren’t we?
MAX I…uh,….
MILLIE Give me a clue, will you? (Beat.) What are you trying to say?
MAX (Beat.) Will you marry me?
MILLIE What?
MAX Will you marry me? I got you a ring! It’s in a pretty box!
(He STRUGGLES to find it in his pocket. MILLIE is dumbstruck.)
Well? (Silence.) Well? (Silence.)
Don’t do this to me, Millie; I need an answer, quick!
MILLIE I…
MAX Yes?
MILLIE I…
MAX I “what”? --Will you or won’t you?
MILLIE Yes!
MAX Good. (PUTTING ring on her.) Here it is.
MILLIE Oh!
MAX What does that mean: “Oh!”? I know it’s small; but I didn’t want to wait any longer to ask you while I saved up some more.
MILLIE Oh, Max, this is just, just fine! In fact, it’s wonderful!
(MAX KISSES her on the cheek.)
You kissed me!
MAX What’s wrong with that? We’re gonna get married, aren’t we?
MILLIE I want to marry you, of course. But things are so tight now. Shouldn’t we wait until we have a little money in the bank?
MAX Oh, no. I got up the nerve to ask you. We don’t need to wait. Now’s as good a time as any. Some people’d wait ‘til the cow`s come home and miss the boat!
MILLIE What?
MAX We’re getting married soon, and that’s final!
MILLIE (THROWING arms around his neck and KISSING him big.) You know what? I’m going to save up for a wedding present for you.
MAX Aw, Millie, you don’t have to do that. We’ll need lots of other stuff.
MILLIE Well, that’s what I’m gonna do. It won’t be a fancy floor model with a listening bench, but I’m going to get you a Farnsworth to set on a buffet. Then I’ll get to listen to it, with you, of course.
MAX I can listen to the Series!
MILLIE Every Saturday night—
MAX —The Series isn’t on every Saturday night!
MILLIE —we can pop popcorn.
MAX That’d be great! But you should save your money for other things you need.
MILLIE No, I get a ring; you get a radio.
MAX (Beat.) How many weeks do you suppose it will take you to earn enough to buy it?
MILLIE I don’t know; I’ve never bought a radio before. Oh, Max, how about if we get married in the living room on the farm? Do you suppose your folks can be there? Do you think they’ll like me? I’ll wear a, a blue dress—something I can wear for good afterwards.
MAX And maybe we can live in your little apartment for awhile until we get a place of our own.
MILLIE A place of our own! Oh, Max! I’m so happy! And isn’t it nice you’ve already got a new car. We’re getting off to a fine start: a car and a ring and a radio!
MAX It isn’t paid for yet.
MILLIE Well, I haven’t bought it yet so how can it be paid for?
MAX That’s not what I’m talking about.
MILLIE Oh. (LOOKING at her ring and TWISTING it.)
MAX The car.
MILLIE Why, who’d ever heard of such a thing? Buying a car that’s not paid for?
MAX Gotta get to work from that boarding house clear on the edge of town.
MILLIE We’re starting out in debt?
MAX Gotta get down to your folks’ farm, and over to my folks in Ohio somehow,…and to Chicago for our honeymoon.
MILLIE (Horrified.) Chicago! Oh, Max!
(MAX LAUGHS.)
HERBIE (ENTERING R.) Chicago!? Razzamatazz, do I love that town!
MAX Hey, Herbie!
HERBIE When do we leave? Ain’t been to Chicago in a blue moon!
MAX Guess what? I just asked Millie to marry me!
HERBIE (GETTING into picnic basket.) So when do we eat?
(THEY FREEZE.
ANNOUNCER puts record on.
MUSIC UNDER: “Ain’t We Got Fun”)
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HERBIE (KNOCKING to patter of ‘Shave and a hair cut, two bits’ and ENTERING DR.) Hell-o. Anybody home?
MAX As if you didn’t see the Ford parked outside.
HERBIE Say, somethin’ smells good.
MILLIE You can stay for supper, Herbie.
HERBIE It’s sure nice to have married friends . When ya gonna fix me up with yer sister?
MILLIE When are you gonna learn good manners?
HERBIE Ooou, you got me! Hey, you’ve got quite the flapper there, Max!
MAX I told her not to cut her hair that short.
(MAX and HERBIE SIT. MILLIE SETS DOWN plates of hot bean sandwiches.)
MILLIE I’m trying not to be an ‘old fashioned farm girl.’ Besides, it saves the time and money of getting a permanent wave. Now let’s pray.
(MAX and HERBIE look at each other.)
Thank you, oh Lord, for these thy gifts which we are about to receive.”
HERBIE Amen! (TAKING a bite of his hot sandwich.)
What is this?
MAX You forgot to put the ketchup on. It goes on the outside, on top of the bread. Makes it look real good and taste even better.
HERBIE Am I eatin’ a bean sandwich? Did Millie just give thanks for a hot bean sandwich?
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MAX That Boardin’ House I used to live at?
MILLIE Yes?
MAX It’s for sale.
MILLIE You don’t really mean— But we already have a car payment! We can’t afford a house pay—
MAX Mr. Steven’s gonna lose it, Millie. He can’t make the payments on it, and the house where he lives—it’s almost paid for, and he says we can have the boardin’ house if we take over the payments.
HERBIE Razzamatazz! What a deal!
MILLIE But how much more are the payments than our rent here?
MAX (rising, pacing) Here’s the thing: We can keep the same boarders, but we’d have to put two more in the parlor. If you’d be willing to cook and do the laundry for all of ‘em, we could ask another dollar or two a week, and we could actually make enough for the house payment.
MILLIE Put two more in the parlor?
MAX Well, yeah. The formal room. It has those sliding doors on it for privacy.
HERBIE That’d work! If Millie swore off a bean sandwiches, they’d like her cookin’!
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MILLIE That’d be real nice, Max. (Beat.) I don’t have to look at the house. I’m sure it’s a fine house.
MAX (CROSSES to her.) Comes with people in it.
MILLIE And some day it’ll be ours, and we’ll have babies in it?
MAX (leans over and kisses her.) I still hear violins.
MILLIE Oh, Max. (Beat.) Are you finished eating? I want you to try on the pajamas I made for us--they’re matching—so’s I can adjust the elastic in the waist.
MAX You’re the top banana; you know that? (Beat.) I wonder if your ma’s sorry she gave us her machine.
MILLIE Oh, says now that all the family’s out from under her feet and gone, she’s never gonna sew another stitch again. She told Daddy she’s going to wear store-bought clothes from now on.
MAX How’d you buy the material, Millie? Didn’t give you any extra this we—
MILLIE —That old tablecloth. It had a big stain right in the middle. I cut it out and used the rest just like my ma did to make do. Already had the thread.
(HOLDING UP large flower print pajama bottoms.) Like ‘em?
(THEY FREEZE. AL CAPONE APPEARS.)
LIGHTS: STAGE DOWN, CAPONE SPOT UP
CAPONE
(ENTERING, wearing a lime green jacket.) Can you believe? Johnny says I need better manners…that I don’t speak too good. That I’ll never make it in Chicago. You know what I says back to him? I says us Lower East Side guys don’t answer to nobody…Nobody! We speaks any way we wanna! I says, “Ya want manners? I’ll give ya manners. Just as soon as ya stick your finger up your nose to pick it, I’ll break that finger off—AND the hand it’s attached to! AND the arm that hand’s attached to…AND—“ Then he interrupts me, see, ME, Al Capone, and says, “Tell ya what I’m gonna do for ya. I’m gonna send ya to night school where they’ll teach ya presentational skills.” I says, “What the hell is ‘presentational skills’?” He says when the newspaper reporters talk to me and put what I say in the papers, it’ll sound real good. (Beat.) Me. I’m gonna be in the papers. Well, he got that right. Everybody in Chicaga’s gonna be readin’ ‘bout Al Capone. Hell, everybody’s gonna be readin’ about me—from here back to New York City! (EXITS.)
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CAPONE (CROSSING to ANNOUNCER.)
--Yeah, I’ll tell ya a thing or two! Somebody’s gonna pay for this! My brother Frank ain’t dyin’ for nothin’! The people of Cicero done the right thing re-electin’ Mayor Klenha because things’re gonna be different from now on! Mayor Klenha’s gonna clean up this street crime, alright! Things’re gonna change! Nobody’s getting’ away with nothin’ now that I’m here! Ya got my word on that!
ANNOUNCER There you have it, ladies and gentleman, from Al Capone himself! Things are going to change in Cicero now that Major Klenha has been re-elected! Stay tune for coverage on the voting turnout and other official results.
(ANNOUNCER BRINGS UP same MUSIC and UNDER.)
WAUNETA (resuming dancing) Just who is that guy Capone that he thinks he can clean up a city all by himself? I hear Cicero is full of crooks—almost as bad as Chicago.
HERBIE I got news for ya, Wauneta! Cicero is the Capital of Crime, ‘n Capone is the biggest crook of all!
WAUNETA I hear he’s a good family man.
HERBIE He probably is, but so far he’s killed two men personally. And he’s got a whole batch of goons that “lean” on decent businessmen. Extortion! The protection racket, that’s what it is!
WAUNETA You don’t say! …You’re awfully smart, Herbie.
MILLIE (ENTERING UP C with laundry basket.) Well, well! Looks like we got a party going on!
HERBIE Where’s Max?
MILLIE Oh, he’s in the basement.
HERBIE What’d ya keep ‘em down there for?
MILLIE (laughing) Oh, Herbie. He’s down there fixing something.
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MILLIE Now, Wauneta—
WAUNETA This laundry’s breaking her back!
(MAX LOOKS AWAY. Beat.)
MILLIE It’s really bad now, isn’t it Max?
MAX (NODDING.) Hardly anyone working at the mill. Rows and rows of spindles just setting there like dead ducks. Don’t need to make wire if nobody’s buying nothin’.
MILLIE (Beat.) The hand wringer in the basement’ll do. Besides, you need a new winter coat soon.
MAX I guess you’ll have to keep me warm.
WAUNETA (Starting to EXIT Up L. to Parlor. Sarcastic: ) No kiddin’.
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HERBIE You’ve got it, kid!
WAUNETA What’s “it”, Herbie?
HERBIE It! It! That “It” look! You oughtta be in the talkies!
WAUNETA Oh, Herbie!
(SHE kisses him. The phone RINGS. THEY continue KISSING.)
Someone should get that.
HERBIE Yeah, someone should!
WAUNETA (BREAKING away from the kiss.) Herbie!
(SHE CROSSES D. R. and ANSWERS.)
Hello? Ma? Ma, what’s wrong? (Beat.) Oh, dear; Herbie, get Millie quick! Go on, Ma. (Beat.) When did it happen?
HERBIE (HOLLERING towards Up C.) Hey, Millie! It’s yer ma!
WAUNETA What are you talking about, Ma? What do you mean? (Beat.) But Daddy hasn’t been sick!
HERBIE Oh-oh. Sick? Millie, get out here!
WAUNETA (Tearing.) What are we gonna do, Ma? What are we gonna do without Daddy?
HERBIE Oh-oh. Millie!
WAUNETA Okay, Ma. We will. We’ll wait here until we hear from you. Goodbye.
(COLLAPSING into chair, stunned.)
HERBIE (KNEELING in front of her.) What? What?
WAUNETA He’s gone. Daddy. Just like that. Ma said Doc said it was probably his heart. “He worked himself to death.” That’s what Ma said the Doc said: “He worked himself to death!”
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ANNOUNCER
...have already coined it ‘Bloody Thursday.’ October twenty-fourth, nineteen twenty nine! The day the bottom fell out! The day the stocks went up in smoke! And, yes, the day many lives ended. This is disastrous, ladies and gentlemen. The big question of the day is: how long will this Great Depression last?
(TIME LAPSE.
Upbeat cigarette COMMERCIAL:
Phillip Morse, Lucky Strike, etc )
(MAX is SMOKING and PACING.
MILLIE ENTERS Up C with wash basket.)
MILLIE Max, the wringer handle broke. That handle fell off right in my hand while I was turning it. Can you— What’s wrong?
(HE LOOKS AWAY.)
Oh, no! (Beat.) H-Herbie, too?
MAX Herbie’s still working at least ‘til the end of the week. Nobody has a job for sure any more.
MILLIE Oh, Max! This is just the awfulest. First Daddy dies; Then the radio says, says—and then the wringer washer handle—and then you, you loose your job!
MAX Now, Millie, we’ll be able to make the house payment; thank God for the boarders—
MILLIE —And, and we lost a boarder this morning!
MAX Who!
MILLIE Tony packed his bags and walked right out!
MAX What, Tony? Lord! I better get that sign back out there.
(MILLIE CRYING much more.)
Oh, come on, now, Millie. Pull yourself together. We’ll get through this somehow. Why, everyone’s in the same boat!
MILLIE (WAILING.) –And Wauneta’s pregnant!
MAX (Beat.) What do you mean Neet’s pregnant?
MILLIE A baby! A baby!
MAX How’d that happen?
MILLIE Max! It’s Herbie’s!
MAX Of course! Does he know?
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MILLIE Thank you, Ma. Go ahead and pass the food, Max, while I introduce Ma to everybody now that we’re all here. Ma, this is Rosemarie—
LOTTIE (Interrupting.) –She’s a waitress at the Three Rivers. (Beat.) That’s a restaurant.
MILLIE You know Herbie, of course. Chauncy works at the mill, too. Lottie is a secretary.
LOTTIE I type thirty-two words a minute!
MILLIE And this is Vandalia. She—
LOTTIE —We don’t know what she does. She never talks ta us.
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WAUNETA Now, Herbie, don’t complain.
HERBIE I’m not.. Just like to know what I’m eatin’.
MA I seasoned it like I did on the farm.
HERBIE (CHEWING.) Sausage and peppers?
MA A little of this; a little of that.
HERBIE Sounds good.
MA A tail; two ears, and the hog’s—
HERBIE (JUMPING up.) –Hogs! You mean we just gave thanks for—
WAUNETA (JUMPING up on the verge of vomiting.) Herbie! Herbie! Oh, golly! (RUNNING and EXITING Up C.)
HERBIE (RUSHING after her.) Wauneta? Are you okay? Wauneta?
MA You can’t make a silk purse out of sow’s ears, but you can make a tasty meal out of—
MAX Millie, do we have to— I mean, is there any of that bean soup left over?
CHAUNCY (EATING.) Actually, it ain’t half bad. My ma never threw anything out either.
MA Thank you, Chauncy. I bet you’ll really like my hot apple pie…
(LOOKING at Max.) …even if nobody else does.
HERBIE (ENTERING Up C. CARRYING pie.) Hey, look what I found on the window ledge!
ROSEMARIE How’s Wauneta, Herbie?
HERBIE (Absently, CUTTING pie.) Oh, she’s fine; the kraut smell got to her I guess. She doesn’t get sick very often. She thought ‘cause she’s pregnant.
MA My daughter is pregnant?
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CHAUNCY (FOCUSING on ROSEMARIE, EDGING OVER NEAR HER.) Say, it’s Friday night. Why don’t we all help with the dishes and then celebrate!
LOTTIE I’m broke. I don’t have a two-cent stamp to my name, Chauncy. Sorry, I can’t go out.
MILILE Well, we’ll stay here and play Euchre! Does everybody play Euchre?
VANDALIA (Beat.) I play killer Euchre.
MILLIE Great! I’ll pop popcorn. And we’ll get some good music on the radio!
HERBIE Would, would you like that, Wauneta?
WAUNETA Popcorn?
(GULPING, geting ready to throw up again, and DASHING and EXITING Up C.
HERBIE EXITS also.
The FRONT DOOR OPENS D.R.; in steps MACHINE GUN KELLY and SHORTIE behind him.)
KELLY (HOLDING ‘Vacancy’ sign up high.) I need dis room.
MAX Sorry, we only have a place for one person.
KELLY Shortie sleeps on the floor—under my bed.
MAX Well, now, wait a minute. We sort of have a full house and—
SHORTIE You’re talking ta M. G. Kelly. He needs dis room!
MAX I’m afraid I’ll need a reference…a good one.
KELLY No problem. Al Capone good enough for ya?
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KELLY What’re ya doin’ here? I thought ya was still in Chicaga.
VANDALIA Let’s just say I’m…playin’ Euchre. But here’s the thing: These people are nice folks. Be good…to them. And, M. G., …I’m the third door on the left.
(SHORTIE TIPS his Fedora to her. THEY EXIT UP C. ALL break into excited CHATTER.)
MILLIE Vandalia! They’re gangsters? What’er they doing here?
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KELLY Naw, I didn’t rip my pants; nothin’ like dat. I got a real important job to get done.
MAX J-job?
KELLY I got this stuff—what cha call it—in the violin case.
SHORTIE (opening violin case filled with gold fabric.) Fabric, M.G.
KELLY Fabric. Very precious stuff. Imported. All the way from (Beat.) China.
LOTTIE China? Jeez!
KELLY I need a suit made. It’s gotta be poifect: Al Capone poifect.
(ALL REACT.)
I hadda leave Chicaga in a hurry, a big hurry, and didn’t get it dropped off at the tailor’s. Mr. C’s expectin’ it ta be ready when I return ta Chicaga next week.
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LOTTIE —I’m Lottie. I’m a sec-a-tary. I type thirty-two words a minute.
KELLY Ya don’t say! Mr. C. could use a good sec-a-tary. I’ll tell ya all about Chicaga. Maybe you’ll wanna stick wit me when I go back.
(ALL FREEZE.)
CAPONE (ENTERING wearing a red jacket. Talking on phone.)
Ma, I’m sending a car for ya. (Beat.) I know it’s a long ride; but I don’t think the Lower East Side’s a safe neighborhood for ya. It’s goin’ ta hell in a handbag since I left. Ya can’t stay there alone. Now don’t give me any trouble over this; you’re gonna live with May ‘n me whether ya like it or not. It’ll be good for May ta have someone else ta talk English to. The rest of the family forgets she don’t speak Italian ‘n she feels left out.
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No, Ma, I don’t want you doin’ any more sewin’ for me. I’m a big shot now. I pay a high-class tailor to make my expensive suits. My new one’s gonna be made from imported silk! (Beat. Impatient.)
From China, Ma! I set the fashion in the business world! Now don’t pay no attention to what ya hear on the radio. Don’t worry; I got bodyguards. And Ma,…you’ll always have a home with me…for as long as ya live.
(HANGS UP phone. He BURSTS into song, SINGING
“Oh, solo Mio!” from “Serenata!”; the same contemporary melody as “It’s Now Or Never”.)
“Ma n’ata sole cleiu’ bello oi ne’/
O sole mio sta ‘n fronte a te!/
O sele o sole mio/
Sta ‘n fronte a te/
Sta ‘nfronte a te.” (Beat.) Love that Caruso! (EXIT.)
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ANNOUNCER And now for your evening news: Topping the list of the twenty-eight most-wanted men in the nation is—none other than—John Dillenger! Special Agent Eliot Ness says Dillenger won’t be Number One for long as he has handpicked nine men to join him in a crusade to put an end to the bank robberies, gambling, the protection racket, bootlegging--in general, the gangster world of Al Capone, Ma Barker, Bonnie and Clyde, Johnny Torrio, Baby Face Nelson, Big Diamond Jim, Machine Gun Kelly— I’m sure you get the picture. This announcer personally interviewed Mr. Ness in Chicago and asked him why he thinks his small group of G-men will be able to eradicate the pervading corruption in cities. He said, and I quote, ‘This time my men are untouchable. Nobody, not Dillenger, not Capone, --nobody can get to these men. They are above bribery! They are—“The Untouchables!”’ Unquote.
…And speaking of crime crusades, Sister Aimee’ McPherson vows to convert these same gangsters to the church. Stay tuned for Sister Aimee’s broadcast direct from the International Church of the Four-Square Gospel featuring an orchestra of fifty of the finest musicians in the nation at two o’clock today…right here on this your local station.
CAPONE (ENTERING still wearing red; DRINKING heavily, SMOKING a cigar…SITTING on edge of stage.)
This tax investigation stuff! This is gonna be tough on Ma. Frank dyin’…Vincinzo disappearing inta thin air. She ain’t never gonna get over that no matter how long ago it happened.
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Now Johnny’s got himself put in jail, the damn fool! I told him Hymie wouldn’t get to him, that I’d take care of Hymie. But, no, Johnny’s too worried about takin’ a bullet dipped in somethin’ ‘n gettin’ infection. I told‘m he wouldn’t get shot—no infection’s gonna take off his Dinger! But he turns himself in ‘n gets himself nine months in the slammer. (Beat.)
I gotta take care of the Hymie. He can’t do that ta Johnny. I’ll take care of ‘m. Don’t nobody never say I don’t take care of my own. (Beat. SCRATCHING himself.) Holy Mother ‘o God, I got the Itch!
ROSEMARIE Here you are, Ma. The only slip I have that has an inch of lace on it. And here’s Lottie’s slips. She had two. Vandalia, she…(SHRUGS.) What are you going to do with them?
MA Wauneta’s at least going to have a veil for her wedding. Millie’s using the machine now, but I can be ripping off the lace and starching it and bleaching a sheet nice and white.
ROSEMARIE I wish I could sew. Wauneta and Millie are lucky to have you for a ma. You’re amazing.
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MILLIE I can’t go see Billy Sunday, Ma! Even if I get this suit done right, I’ve got a wedding to get ready for! There’s cleaning and baking and, and, —we just can’t have beans for the wedding dinner! ! If I get the suit done, we’ll have a whole two hundred dollars to buy something special for—
MA Is that what you’ve been worrying about?
MILLIE Of course I’m worried about it! Wauneta’s got her hands full inviting her friends and worrying about what she’ll wear and, and if I don’t get this suit done there won’t be any money to make things special for the wedding and—
MA Calm down, Mildred! You just calm down.
(MILLIE CALMS, SNIFFS.)
That’s better. Now what about the suit?
MILLIE I sewed the sleeves on the wrong shoulders, and the zipper’s upside down!
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MA Get Herbie, and take that axe of yours and go down to the farm—
MAX Huh?
MILLIE (Starting to cry again.) Oh, Ma, not Sammie! Not Sammie!
MA Millie, that bull will die with a smile on his face! He’s studded for so long, he’s all tuckered out. (Beat.) It’s time. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
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VANDALIA There’s no way I’ll let you get married in that brown suit of yours. You’d look like you’re going to a funeral.
WAUNETA (THROWING HERSELF at VANDALIA to hug her.) This is so, so, —I can’t believe you’d do this for me! Thank you so much!
VANDALIA Well, it’s like this. I never had a sister, so you’re it, kid.
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WAUNETA It’s no wonder. You’ve been working so hard getting ready for the wedding. The house is spotless. You’ve got to slow down. One more swipe of that dust mop around this room and you’ll drop dead.
MILLIE I’ll be fine.
WAUNETA After all that worry about getting the suit made out a “imported silk from China,” that Kelly guy didn’t even show up yesterday. (Beat.) I don’t think he’s the real Machine Gun Kelly anyway.
MILLIE You don’t?
WAUNETA Why, no. What respectable gangster would run around with material in a violin case? He’d have his gun in it.
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WAUNETA I’ll be back on the farm again?
MILLIE Oh. I didn’t even think of that. Ma was set to give up the parlor to you and Herbie.
WAUNETA That’s okay, Millie, we’ll take the farm any day!
ANNOUNCER We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special bulletin. The F.B.I. has confirmed that Machine Gun Kelly was killed in a sting over the weekend. While escorting a Madam working undercover for the F. B. I., Machine Gun Kelly was shot while leaving a theater somewhere in the Midwest. J. Edgar Hoover refused to reveal the identity of the beautiful dark-haired lady who so successfully executed the sting, referring to her only as Madam ‘V’.
(SIMULTANEOUSLY)
MA (entering) What’s
That on the radio?
MILLIE They shot Mr.
Kelly!
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MA (CROSSING and SHUTTING OFF RADIO.)
Enough of this gangster stuff; it’s not the real world! Herbie’s the only one ready for the wedding. Now, Herbie, you stay right here and wait for Billy Sunday while we change, —and be polite. Max’s in the tub now so he’ll be down in two minutes. (Beat.) Why, Millie! You look flushed!
MILLIE I’m fine, Ma.
MA (EXITING Up L. parlor with MILLIE.) Come on, dear. Too much excitement around here.
(HERBIE SITS. FIDGITS; GETS himself a cup of punch from the table. MAKES A FACE. GETS flask from around his ankle and ADDS to his drink. He SIPS and SMILES, DRINKING it straight down.
HE SINGS “Baby Face” as he CROSSES to mirror and STRAIGHTENS his bow tie.
LOTTIE and ROSEMARIE ENTER Up C. with garlands, giggling.
ROSEMARIE PLACES garlands over the mirror and DRAPES the server.)
HERBIE …Hiya, kids! This is my big day—takin’ myself off the market!
LOTTIE Herbie, you’re so crazy! This is your big day, though. Got anything to celebrate with?
HERBIE Sure, kiddo.
(REACHING for flask and POURING LOTTIE a straight.)
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ROSEMARIE (HERBIE POURS flask into punch bowl.) Now, Herbie, you put that away. You know it’s illegal, and you never know who’ll show up for the wedding!
LOTTIE (GIGGLING.) It’s just giggle water, Rosary…giggle water!
(SOUND. KNOCKING on door D.R.)
HERBIE Whoops! The F. B. I.’s come to arrest us, Lottie! Let’s destroy the evidence! (THEY DRINK from flask.)
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HERBIE Razzamatazz!
SISTER AIMEE (ENTERING D. R.) Billy sent me. He said to tell you a funeral came up but he knew I was on the road evangelizing—converting souls from L.A. to Broadway. Sister Aimee, Four Square Gospel, that’s who I am! Look out Broadway; here I come!
LOTTIE Glad to meet you, Sister. This is Herbie, the groom. –He’s craazzy! I’m Lottie. I type…how many words a minute?
ROSEMARIE Thirty-two, Lottie.
SISTER AIMEE (SHAKING her hand, then SITTING D. R. ) Sister Aimee, Lottie. I save thirty-two souls a minute!
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CHAUNCEY (to Rosemary) You sure look beautiful, Rosemarie...like a rose.
ROSEMARIE Thank you, Chauncey. You sure look spiffy, yourself.
CHAUNCY Thanks, Rosemarie.
HERBIE Will ya be my best man, Max?
MAX I am your best man, Herbie.
HERBIE It’s ‘Til death do us part,’ Max.
MAX I know, Herbie.
HERBIE Don’t leave me, Max
MAX I won’t, Herbie.
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SISTER AIMEE Herbie Winslow—
WAUNETA —Herbert, please.
SISTER AIMEE Herbert Please Winslow Mueller and –your name?
WAUNETA Wauneta, no middle name, Bryant.
SISTER AIMEE (Non-stopping.) —and Wauneta no middle name Bryant in celebration of God’s Holy Ordinance Hallelujah do you take this woman for your wife—
HERBIE I—
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SISTER AIMEE It’s raining down love!
(VANDALIA BEGINS TO SING “Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life” but is interrupted.)
CAPONE (CROSSING C.) All right! All right! You had your weddin’. Shortie tells me my new suit is in dis house. It better be ready ‘cause I gotta look my best in case I’m on the radio—ah, in the newspapers—now that I’m Number One!
MAX Holy, cow, Millie, it’s Al Capone himself!
MILLIE (Convincing herself:) I can do this.
(CROSSING to him.) Mr. Capone, I presume?
CAPONE Ya got that right, lady. Now where’s my suit?
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MA Now, Millie, that’s not how we do things. Invite Mr. Capone to sit down and eat with us.
MILLIE Ma!
MA Millie, mind your manners! This is a special occasion like you said, and we’re not going to have any disturbance. We’re civilized people. Besides, Mr. Capone is an important man.
MILLIE Ma!
MA Mildred! P’s ‘n Q’s! P’s ‘n Q’s!
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SISTER AIMEE (GIVING LOTTIE a look. Flourishing her cape, Superwoman like.) I believe my work is done, here. I’ll be going now.
(CROSSING to D. R. front door. PAUSING, to CAPONE.) Please feel free to visit the International Church of the Four Square Gospel any time you’re in California, Mr. Capone. And, say, that’s some snappy outfit you have on.
CAPONE Same to ya, Sister. Ya gotta look good for the public, ya know?
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HERBIE Keep it short, Max.
MAX He was…the family servant. But more than a servant! —A member of the family! Tonight we’ll be eating Samuel’s shoulder…and part of his chest. Tomorrow night for dinner we’ll be roasting his—
WAUNETA —Oh, mother, how could you! I loved Sammie! Millie loved Sammie! We grew up with Sammie! We loved him!
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VANDALIA (ENTERING D. L., SPEAKING.) I wrapped the suit in paper, Mr. Capone, so it wouldn’t get any spots on it.
CAPONE (GRABBING suit.) Gimme that suit! I ain’t eatin’ nobody named Samuel! Let’s get outta here, Shortie!
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MILLIE (CROSSING DR to phone.) Hold it, everyone! Don’t cut loose yet! There’s one more thing to do.
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CHAUNCY (HE CROSSES and turns radio on.) You bet! Come on, Rosemarie, let’s put on the ritz and show ‘em how it’s done!
ROSEMARIE Oh, Chauncy! I didn’t know you were so, so cool!
(ANNOUNCER PUTS on record.
MUSIC: “Ain’t We Got Fun!”
THEY DANCE; HERBIE and WAUNETA DANCE.)
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MAX You’re ‘Number One’ most wanted by me, Millie.
CHAUNCY --And there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you, Rosemarie.
MILLIE --There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you, Max.
ROSEMARIE Yes, Chauncy?
MAX What’s that?
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MAX Just spit it out, Millie; what is it?
CHAUNCEY Would you?
ROSEMARIE Yes!
MILLIE I’m sure of it!
MAX Sure of what!
MILLIE We’re going to have a baby!
MAX (Beat, continuing to dance.) What do you mean?
MILLIE We’re going to have a baby!
MAX Huh?
MILLIE B-A-B-Y. You’re going to be a daddy!
(MAX FAINTS, DROPPING STRAIGHT DOWN.)
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(During this next broadcast, HERBIE, WAUNETA, VANDALIA, LOTTIE, CHAUNCY, and ROSEMARIE get suitcases from behind various doorways.)
ANNOUNCER Flash! We interrupt this program to bring you the following bulletin!
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The jig is up—for Mr. Alphonso Capone!”
(MUSIC UP for the end of the previous song.)
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we return to that wonderful classic, “I had a dream.”
(LIGHTS SLOWLY FADE.
MUSIC: “I Had a Dream.”)
‘I had a dream, dear, you had one, too,
Mine was the best ‘cause it was of you.
Come sweetheart tell me, now is the time,
You tell me your dream, I’ll tell you m-i-n-e…
(Before end of this final song, ALL SLOWLY EXIT with
suitcases EXCEPT MA WHO EXITS LAST to UP L. parlor looking back over shoulder as MILLIE and MAX DANCE alone in shadowy light.)
Strobe/film light begins to flicker.
A sign DROPS DOWN: ‘The End.’
As ‘film’ flickering comes to an end, a new-born baby’s cry is heard.
BLACK OUT
HOUSE LIGHTS UP FULL.
MUSIC: “Ain’t We Got Fun.”
CURTAIN
CHARACTERS
MILLIE A vivacious 21 year old who starts out in a long-hair wig and gets a fashionable 1920’s ‘Bob’ cut. She has good farm-girl values, has recently moved to the city and works in a factory. She transforms from conservative cotton dress to fashionable flapper for wedding.
MAX In his early 20’s, he is somewhat shy and soft-spoken but very in love with Millie. He parts his hair on the side and wears work clothes. For Wauneta’s wedding, he wears a dark suit and the special, bright flower-print tie which matches the pajamas that Millie made for him.
HERBIE In his 20’s, he is Max’s best friend. Very gregarious, he parts his hair fashionably down the middle. He wears a striped vest and bright bow tie—even for his wedding.
WAUNETA In her 20’s, she is Millie’s older sister who is outspoken and has bobbed hair at opening. She wears a beaded, fringed white flapper dress for her wedding.
RADIO
ANNOUNCER A young man, he is neat in appearance and wears a vest, bow tie.
His hair is parted in the middle, and he is passionate about his work. Because radio brought the excitement of crime, the passion of religion, and the beauty of music into homes uniting the country, the Announcer should remain in his booth in view at all times.
AL CAPONE About 30, he sets the fashion of the day wearing colored suits when no one else did: His jackets’ colors are: tangerine, lime green, royal blue, yellow, red. He sometimes wears a fedora and smokes/carries a cigar. His scar is on his left cheek and favors turning his right cheek out. He is a “spiffy” dresser with spats, vest, and diamonds. [If budget restricts, colored vests can be subsituted for suits.]
MACHINE GUN
KELLY About 25 – 30, the actor should have fun playing this famous gangster with stereotypical speech and looks.
SHORTIE Shortie is of small stature and shadows Kelly, seldom speaking, but his function is clear: to backup Kelly and to protect what’s in the violin case (gold fabric for Capone’s suit).
MA About 50, this mother of Millie and Wauneta has a farm look. Her hair is in a bun; her long, small-print dress goes almost to the floor and is topped with a full white apron. She wears button shoes.
SISTER AIMEE’ Actual founder of the International Church of the Four Square Gospel, Sister Aimee’ Semple McPherson is charismatic and wears a long cape over a white nurse’s uniform. Her long hair is pulled back in a low bun. She wears no makeup.
Other “Boarders”
CHAUNCY He may be any age, perhaps older (40’s) to contrast with the younger men. He is conservative in work clothes and suit and wears glasses. He carries on a quiet flirtation with Rosemarie.
ROSEMARIE In her 20’s, she has a sweet, soft look. She is modern but not extreme.
LOTTIE In her 20’s, she is a chatterbox and overly proud of her typing skills. Not bright, her enthusiasm is her endearing characteristic.
Her short, blond hair may be tightly-curled.
VANDALIA She may be any age but preferably tall and slender with long dark hair. Her sultry voice conveys a mysterious past; her daring dresses with fringe and beading suggest a glamorous profession.
She carries a boa for Wauneta’s wedding and sings. She reveals to the girls her need to be part of The Boarding House family.
AL CAPONE AND ME
TIME: 1929 – 1931
PLACE: Midwest city the size of Fort Wayne between Chicago and Rome City, a little town on a lake in northern Indiana.
SETTING: Millie’s apartment (R apron)
The Boarding House
A radio studio (L apron)
SET REQUIREMENTS:
The radio area is on a slightly-raised platform on L Apron. Audience should see Announcer put records on and work with mike throughout the show.
Millie’s apartment on R Apron is a small table and several chairs; a treddle sewing machine; another small table where she can prepare food; it also holds the radio. A movie-like screen should define the area.
The Boarding House dining room has a table Up L at a diagonal somewhat in front of Up L. diagonal double parlor doors. The D. L. door to a living room has a curtain over entrance. A mirror is between the two L doors and a chair is under the mirror. Up C door is exit to the greater house: the kitchen, the basement door, the stairway to second floor, the back door. Down R is the front door. Downright of the front door is a wall phone (convenient for Capone to use from his apron space if desired). A chair and lamp are nearby. A sideboard is along Upstage wall which holds the radio. Family photos or photos of boarders adorn wall. The wedding punch bowl may be on sideboard or on table. The set may be simple or elaborate but has the feel of a spacious house of the 1920’s.
Al Capone seems to appear without fanfare; no spot should be used as the audience should feel like he is talking to them.
PRODUCTION NOTES:
MUSIC defines the period and is essential for radio/bridge music. Please secure rights
where applicable if theater does not have ASCAP arrangement. Any music circa 1930’s
may be used for pre-show and in generally in public domain. Caruso CD available. If
desired, local Barbershop Quartets/Sweet Adolines could sing pre-curtain music.
Selections_______________________________________________________________
Five Foot Two Oh, Solo Mio
The ABA DABA Honeymoon Oh, Promise Me
Ain’t We Got Fun Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life!
Meet Me Tonight In Dreamland Brother Can You Spare A Dime
I Had a Dream, Dear
AL CAPONE AND ME
a new comedy
by
Ruth Tyndall Baker
Ruth Tyndall Baker
743 Growth Avenue Fort Wayne, IN 46808
260-422-3486
RTBplaywright@Verizon.net
SOUND CUE SHEET
Al Capone and Me
Page
1 Pre-show music: any 1920’s
1 I had a Dream
8 Ain’t We Got Fun
8 Aba Daba Honeymoon
10 Ain’t we Got Fun
16 Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland
16 RADIO STATIC; BURSTS OF GUNFIRE
17 Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland
22 PHONE RING
24 CIGARETTE COMMERCIAL
38 PHONE RING
41 Caruso singing any song
42 COW MOOS
42 Brother Can You Spare a Dime
56 Ain’t We Got Fun
57 I had a Dream
57 Blackout Curtain. Lights up full. Ain’t We Got Fun
PROP LIST
Al Capone and Me
Page
1 Strobe
1 Sign “Boarding House”
1 newspaper
1 picnic basket
1 victrola records
5 ring box and ring
8 costume change: wig; apron
8 wicker basket (to drop wig in or use picnic basket)
8 axe
10 sandwiches; dishes
14 wallet; money
16 announcer’s mike
17 laundry basket
19 flower print pj’s
22 dish towel
24 poles
24 cigarette
27 dishes; food; sauerkraut; applebutter; bread
29 pie
32 violin case
34 gold fabric
37 veil made from sheet and slip lace
37 cigar
37 underslip
40 handkerchief
41 2 flapper dresses (one Wauneta wears for wedding)
42 dust mop
43 punch bowl
46 flask
46 garlands
49 Max’s flowered tie matching pj’s
51 2 rings
54 meat platter; meat; cake;
54 cash
58 suitcases
SPECIAL PERIOD SET PIECES
Al Capone and Me
Treddle sewing machine
20’s radio
phone
period victrola if available
Also: movie screen
Standard set
Apartment
Small end table
chair
sewing machine
Boarding House
table
8 dining chairs
side board (small buffet)
mirror
phone
floor lamp
side chair
Announcer’s booth
swivel chair
small ‘box’ table holding mike and records
(turn table can be behind him out of sight or victrola)
COSTUME SPECIALS
Al Capone and Me
Al’s Suits or just vests in colors if budget is a problem (Capone introduced this style of wearing bright colors other than black, brown, navy, grey):
lime green
orange
royal blue
yellow
red
Flower print men’s pj’s
Same flower print tie
Fedoras
Veil made from sheet and underslip lace
Rosemary: watch
Sister Aimee’: Nurse’s uniform; cape
Vandalia: boa
Ma: long apron; button shoes
Al Capone: spats; diamond tie clip or large ring
20’s jewelry for ladies: beads
Millie: long wig