Little Red Riding Hood and the Bad Idea Shortcut
''Oh, just a few chin hairs. The better to tickle you with, my Dear!''

by Jeannette Jaquish (c) 2012

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Narrator: Carolann, Ranger: Evin, Wolf: Brian, Red: Autumn, Granny: Jeannette, Mother: Elaine
EXCERPTS from the script

Characters:
Narrator
Little Red Riding Hood
Mother
Wolf
Grandmother
Woodsman

(SET: Grandma’s house on one side of stage with a bed. Portable Trees in front of Grandma’s house. Mother enters with cloak and basket.)

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LINES SKIPPED - Typical beginning of the story. RED meets the WOLF.
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: A short cut? My mother said not to take a shortcut.

WOLF: Not to take a shortcut? Are you sure? Maybe she said you SHOULD take a short cut. To get there faster!

RED RIDING HOOD: Oh, yes! I think that is what she said. Thank you, Mr. Wolf! Good bye! (EXITS)

Wolf: Good-bye, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! What a foolish little girl. I wanted to kill and eat her right now, but I will wait and have her for dessert! Ha ha ha ha! That road will take her twice as long, and now I will take the SHORTCUT! Ha ha ha ha! (EXITS)
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LINES SKIPPED
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Wolf: It´s me grandmother, Little Red Riding Hood, and I brought you a basket with some bread and honey.

Grandmother: Bread and honey. Yummy! Come in my little daughter, push the door.

WOLF (ENTERING HOUSE): Hello Grandma!

GRANDMA: The Wolf! Get out of my house!

WOLF: How rude! Aren’t you inviting me in for dinner?

GRANDMA: NO! Get out! (jumps out of bed)

WOLF: I am so hungry. Just a bite?

GRANDMA: No bites! I am a sick old lady! Go away! (runs away)

WOLF: Well, I am sick of being hungry. Come here Granny!

GRANDMA: (throwing things) Go away, you Brute! You Animal! You Monster! Go away!

WOLF: Ow! Ow! Ow! She has a good arm!

GRANDMA: Oh, Help! Help! Help!

WOLF: So, no more things to throw! Come here my delicious Grandma Nugget!------
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LINES SKIPPED
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WOLF: Little Red Riding Hood is coming! I must dress up like Grandma to fool her.

NARRATOR: The Wolf found Grandma’s extra night cap and put it on. He found her extra nightgown and tried to squeeeeeeze into it. Tried to suck in his breath and squeeeeze into it.

WOLF (putting on nightgown): I seem to have put on a little weight.

NARRATOR: The Wolf was a very ugly Grandma....
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LINES SKIPPED
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NARRATOR: Finally, when the Wolf could not make himself any more beautiful...(cough cough)

WOLF (looking in mirror, blows himself a kiss) : Oooooh la la . Hello gorgeous.

NARRATOR: He hopped into Grandma’s bed and pulled up the covers. ------
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LINES SKIPPED
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RED RIDING HOOD: You don’t like bread and honey?

WOLF: I am sorry my dear. I have an upset tummy. Come closer so I may look upon your face.

RED RIDING HOOD: I brought you flowers. See how pretty they are. Should I put them in a vase with water?

WOLF: Forget the stupid flowers! Just come closer so I may look at you my dear.

RED RIDING HOOD: OK.... How are you feeling, Grandma?

WOLF: Oh, sick. Very sick. (cough cough) But if you come closer so I can look at your face, I will feel better. Closer.. closer... closer... closer....

RED RIDING HOOD: If I come any closer, I will be behind you.

WOLF: Just a little closer, so I can see your smile. Your delicious smile.

NARRATOR: Grandma was acting strangely, so Little Red Riding Hood felt a little scared, but she was an obedient girl so she did go closer, but when she did, she was shocked at what she saw!

RED RIDING HOOD: Oh, Grandma! You do look sick! You have SUCH A BIG HAIRY FACE!

WOLF: Just a few chin hairs. The better to tickle you with my dear.

RED RIDING HOOD: And SUCH BIG EYES, Grandma!

WOLF: The better to see you with, My Dear. If you would just get CLOSER! Hold my paw, I mean my HAND, dear Little Red Riding Hood.
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LINES SKIPPED
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WOLF: The better to EAT you with, My Dear!

(WOLF grabs RED RIDING HOOD)

RED RIDING HOOD: SCREAM!!! (She slugs the WOLF, knocking him behind the bed with grandma. Meanwhile, the Narrator is reading aloud from the script, not paying attention.)

NARRATOR: The Wolf grabbed Little Red Riding Hood and gobbled her up!

RED RIDING HOOD: Grandma! Grandma! Where are you?

GRANDMA’S MUFFLED VOICE: Hllp Rrrrd Rdddggg Hhhhhhd!

NARRATOR: Poor Little Red Riding Hood! Swallowed by the Wolf!

RED RIDING HOOD: I hear you Grandma! Where are you? Oh, my! You must be inside the Wolf’s belly! I’ll get you out Grandma!
(RED RIDING HOOD jumps up and down behind the bed, pretending to jump on the Wolf.)

WOLF: GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! STOP JUMPING ON ME! OOOOOF! OOOOOF!
(The WOLF is behind the jumping Red Riding Hood, waving his arms and legs above the bed.)

(While LITTLE RED is jumping: the NARRATOR keeps talking:)

NARRATOR: A passing Woodsman heard Little Red Riding Hood screaming.

WOLF: THAT’S ME SCREAMING! Ow! Ow! Ow!------
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LINES SKIPPED
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RED RIDING HOOD: Grandma! You are alive! And not slimy or digested!

GRANDMA: Yes! It is amazing!

NARRATOR: What just happened? The Woodsman took his axe and ..... um... what did the Woodsman do?

WOODSMAN: That Wolf is an endangered species! You are in big trouble, little girl.

GRANDMA: Oh, shut up and get out of my house! You are as worthless as a screen door on a submarine!
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LINES SKIPPED
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MOTHER: I was worried about you. The forest is so dangerous.

NARRATOR: And Little Red Riding Hood learned an important lesson to always listen to her Mother and never leave the forest path or talk to strangers.

MOTHER: What is he talking about?

GRANDMA: Get out of here you crazy loon! Go on! Get lost!

NARRATOR: Hmmph! Good bye! I hope you have a lousy forever after! (EXITS)------
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LINES SKIPPED
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This was about 1/5 of the whole play. Contact the Author above to get more excerpts or a perusal script.

Email: funantics.scripts@yahoo.com