When Santa's Away. . . ' / 'Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!
Theater Script Musical
''My antlers would spin like a helicopter propeller when I went down the chimney.''

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Excerpts from
'When Santa's Away. . . ' / 'Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!' © 2012 by Zephyr and Jeannette Jaquish

A simple but witty play-within-a-play Christmas comedy with a song and a few lines for everyone.

CAST: 20 to 26 actors including two adults: Santa and Music Director
-- "When Santa's Away": 7 to 10 total = Elves + 1 adult Santa.
-- "Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!": 13 to 16 total = 4 or 5 angels, elves and reindeer + 1 adult Music Director.

LENGTH: About 20 minutes for both.
PRICE: $15 first performance, $5 additional, $35 for 1 year.
.......... Music CD: $10 includes shipping. Click to see music tracks.

: "When Santa's Away. . . " -- It's the day after Christmas and Santa bids his hardworking tearful elves goodbye as he goes on vacation ...
and walks into your surprised audience to watch your production of "Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!". Afterwards, he compliments the show, reminds them all to be good and leaves.
"When Santa Returns" resumes with a wild party in Santa's workshop, and Santa's unexpected arrival.
TECH: "Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!" is to be performed downstage with the upstage Santa's workshop in darkness, or behind a closed curtain, or just ignored.
Each actor has 3 to 6 good solo lines and lots they say with the group -- which keeps them attentive. Lots of expressive silliness.
The line assignments follow a pattern and each line has a good cue.
Sets are very simple, props are common Christmas items. Santa and elf costumes needed, thrown together reindeer and angel costumes.
Each show has one song. The CD has music for songs, transitions, bows, and before and after music. Simple dance choreography included.

Order Me!

EXCERPTS from: When Santa’s Away. . . / Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!
©2012 by Zephyr & Jeannette Jaquish

Small royalty must be paid to perform this play.

When Santa’s Away

CAST of 9:
SANTA - Good natured big guy -
-APPLE - not a workaholic like the others
-HICCUP - little

SCENE 1 - Goodbye, Santa!
(Santa’s Workshop: Toys, table, things like paint, tools, wrapping paper, boxes, signs: “A Working Elf is a Happy Elf”, “Whistle While You Work Harder”)

(ELVES are cleaning up after Christmas, sweeping, wiping, throwing away trash, putting things away.
EACH ENTERS, singing and carrying the broom, mop, wrapping paper, or trash can.)

Sweep sweep sweep up the sawdust
Mop mop mop up the spills
Wad wad wad up the wrapping
Til the recycling bin is filled

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

APPLE - Will it never end?

OTHER ELVES (dancing like idiots) - No! Hooray!

SANTA - That’s the spirit! Well, I’m off for my vacation.

BANANA - Where are you going Santa?

SANTA - I think I’ll visit a little town that I saw last night. They had the nicest Christmas decorations.

CUPCAKE - What’s the name of it?

SANTA - ____(your town, and a comment on how it looked from above ) .

DONUT - What are you going to do there, Santa?

SANTA - I think I’ll go to a Christmas play put on by______(your performing group) ________________.

EGGPLANT - But Christmas is OVER!

SANTA - I’ll use my Time Turner to go back to ( today’s date ) .

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

BANANA - We’ll miss you! (sniffle) (encouraging OTHERS) Won’t we?

ELVES except APPLE - Waaaaah (crying)! Don’t leave, Santa!!! Waaaaaah!!

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

DONUT - Is he gone?


------- LINES SKIPPED--------


SANTA - Well, Hello __your town: _____________________________! I just flew in from the North Pole! And boy are my arms tired! Ho ho ho ho! What a great town! I can’t wait to see this show! Rotten Tomatoes said it was just 5% stinky!
(ad lib finding a seat, maybe say hello to people by name, and hinting that they are going to like their Christmas presents. Finally sits. )

Continue with next play in front of the closed curtain or down stage with Santa watching in the audience.


by Jeannette Jaquish ©2012
Small royalty must be paid to perform this play.

CAST of 13
DIRECTOR - Adult or very capable older kid

ANGEL #1 - Troublemaker
ANGEL #2 - Curious and talkative
ANGEL #3 - Teaser
ANGEL #4 -

REINDEER #1 - Smarty-pants Show-Off
REINDEER #2 - Easily excited
REINDEER #3 - Squirmy
REINDEER #4 - Good speller

ELF #1 -
ELF #2 -
ELF #3 - Scaredy-cat
ELF #4 -


(DIRECTOR ENTERS marching out mad, carrying a baton to direct music. Stops and looks back, tapping foot impatiently.)

DIRECTOR - Hey! Singers! We’re performing on stage, not in the teachers lounge (breakroom, playground)! Come on.

(ENTER a sloppy line of SINGER kids:
ANGELS 1, 2, 3, 4 wear angel halos and sheets,
REINDEER 1, 2, 3, 4 wear reindeer antlers,
ELVES 1, 2, 3, 4 wear elf hats or stocking caps.)

SINGERS - Awwww!

DIRECTOR - Line up! This is dress rehearsal!

ANGEL #1 (a boy) - Eeek! Am I wearing a dress?

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

DIRECTOR - ALL OF YOU: STOP IT!!! (they are quiet)

DIRECTOR - The Winter Pageant is tomorrow! We have to practice!

SINGERS - Okaaaaaaaay . . . . . . .

ANGEL #2 - Who are all those people? (points at the audience)

DIRECTOR - Huh? (turns to look at the audience) Uh... . . . . Traffic School! Just ignore them!

SINGERS - (ad lib ridiculing the audience:) Beep Beep! Honk Honk! Vrrooom Vroom! CrAAAASH!!! Tinkle tinkle!

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

DIRECTOR - Stop the music! (MUSIC STOPS.) Who sang “’till Santa’s stuck?

SINGERS - (all point at #3) - Angel #3!

DIRECTOR - It’s “Down thru the chimney with LOTS OF TOYS!”

ANGEL #3 - But he WOULD get stuck! He’s like this big around: (gestures a big belly)!

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

DIRECTOR: Stop the Music! You! Reindeer # 1! Why are you spinning?

REINDEER #1 - My antlers would spin like a helicopter propeller when I went down the chimney.

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

REINDEER #1 - And reindeer don’t have paws.


REINDEER #1 - We have hooves. See? (holds up fist-hooves). Paws would look like this: (holds up claw hands). Rawr!

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

DIRECTOR - Enough!!! (They quiet.) This is not funny! The Winter Pageant is tomorrow. This is our last rehearsal!
Do you want your parents and grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, step-parents and guardians, (gasps for air)

ANGEL #1 - My parole officer is coming!

DIRECTOR - . . . to see you up on stage, flubbing your lines, singing the wrong words, messing up the movements and goofing around like 2nd graders? ( or whatever grade the actors are)

SINGERS - We ARE 2nd graders! (or whatever grade they are)

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

ELF #4 - I would just die of shame!

DIRECTOR - Good! Let’s begin again! Places! MUSIC! From the top! Here we go!

REINDEER #3 (during the song, squirming, hopping and whimper-squeaking with the music) - Eeenk Eeenk Eeenk!...

SINGERS (sing the song sloppy and out of tune) -
Up on the housetop reindeer pause
Out jumps good old Santa Claus
Down thru the chimney with lots of toys
All for the little ones, Christmas joys

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go?
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go?
Up on the housetop, click, click, click. . .

DIRECTOR ( after listening during song to find the noise) - Stop! Stop! What is that ... weird noise???

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

ANGEL #4 (holds out halo) - I don’t want to be an angel. (to Elves:) Will one of you trade with me?

ELF #4 (holds out hat) - I want to be a reindeer! Will someone trade?

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

DIRECTOR - Yes!!! Rehearsal is OVER! I GIVE UP! You can all make fools of yourself, and of me and of the whole school tomorrow! I DON’T CARE! (EXITS)

(ELF, ANGEL & REINDEER #3 ENTER running, happy. Others jump to position and put hats back on.)

REINDEER #3 - Is he/she gone?


REINDEER # 3 - Excellent! Places! MUSIC! From the top! Here we go!

(SINGERS sing and dance the song perfectly with added movements and pizzazz!)

Up on the housetop reindeer pause,
Out jumps good old Santa Claus,
Down thru the chimney -with lots of toys,
All for the little ones, Christmas joys;

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go?
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go?
Up on the housetop, click, click, click!
Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick!
(SINGERS quickly BOW, smile, wave, and EXIT running.)

SANTA (in audience, stands, clapping) - Wow! Wasn’t that a great performance?

------- LINES SKIPPED--------


When Santa Returns

SCENE 2 - Santa Returns!
(Santa’s Workshop: Everything is a mess. However, if you could not blackout or close curtain to mess it up in secret, then do all the messing up at the start of this scene instead.)


(ENTER ELVES chasing each other, throwing things, and having a hysterically crazy good time.
All these lines happen at once and keep on going, repeating.)

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

CUPCAKE (trying to catch Santa’s hat) - It’s my turn to play Santa! No fair!

DONUT (runs around tossing things in the air) - Whee! I’m the Snowflake Fairy!

EGGPLANT (runs in covered in stick-on bows chased by FIG NEWTON trying to stick on more) - Help! Help!

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

ELVES - Eeek! Santa’s back! (point to each other) It’s his fault!

SANTA - I can’t believe you Little Elves! (scoops up limp HICCUP and carries him as he chases other elves) - I leave for two days and when I come back... (grabs the rest in a big bear hug) You haven’t destroyed the place!
(to audience)

------- LINES SKIPPED--------

Simple Dance Choreography for "Up on the Housetop" included with the script.

To see a PERUSAL SCRIPT, please contact Jeannette Jaquish
at (260) 484-5946, between 7am and 10pm, Eastern Standard Time, USA,
or at http://www.theaterfunscripts.com/details.html.

Mystical Elf Hat pattern for this hat:

Email: funantics.scripts@yahoo.com