EXCERPTS from 'The Miracle on Elf Street'

by Scott F. Rousseau (c)2005 All Rights Reserved

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Bando: A very spirited elf. Always happy, always willing to be a team member.

Binky: Total "ditzoid". Constantly missing deadlines and goofing up to the chagrin of the other elves.

Booga - Bad attitude about work. Constantly brings others down. Not a team player but boasts a great deal about the job done.

Mrs. Claus - Such a sweet lady. She tries hard to keep things going but the flames get tougher and tougher to put out.

Santa's Workshop the day before Christmas is buzzing with activity -- desperate activity. So many toys yet to make and Santa's sneezy announcements forebode that it will be the elves delivering presents tonight. Mrs. Claus tries to keep the elves updated and motivated as she cares for sniffly Santa. But with a little help from their friends (the audience) the elves just might pull through and Save Christmas!

Santa's Workshop needs a large low table for wrapping, a workbench, two "throne" chairs, lots of soft toys, tennis balls, gift bags, balloons, two or more cardboard boxes decorated to be toy making machines, and workshop decorations.

BOOGA - This doll is supposed to have brown hair!

BINKY - The requisition calls for blonde hair! All you have to do is read it!

BOOGA - But the original design of this doll was to have brown hair. Barbie has the blonde hair. This doll has the brown hair. Can't you understand anything?

BINKY - I know what the design says, but this person wanted one with blonde hair! Isn't that what...

BANDO - Ahem! Ahem! Elves! ELVES!!! Can you not tell we are in the middle of a tour? (BOTH ELVES stop and notice the audience for the first time, then sheepishly smile, then walk into the audience and say hello and welcome the guests.)

BANDO - Alright! Alright! Enough! Stations, elves!

OTHER ELVES - Right-o! (They salute and head for the work table)

BANDO - As I was saying... over here is the wrapping center. Tis is where all the presents are wrapped, ribboned, marked, double-checked, and then tossed into this drop (indicating small trap in wall or table) where it is then deposited directly into Santa's sleigh downstairs. Are there any questions?

(If the audience has questions, be prepared to answer them as best you can.)
All right then... Booga and Binky? I now turn them over to you for your portion of the presentation.

BOOGA - Thank you, Bando. Now ... Here on our workbench you will notice several machines. Binky? Why don't you tell our guests about this first one here?

BINKY - (imitating Vanna White) Why I'd be delighted to, Booga. This first machine is our portable Ionic Tricomptinator Balinizer. Now what this produces are... you guessed it ... balls! That's right! Bouncy balls of every type. it can produce balls fo any size, color, variation, or circulicity. It can create stripes or dots, basketballs or footballs. Can I have a volunteer from the audience please?

BOOGA - Well at least I CARE! You don't care a fig for what ...

(ALL THREE ELVES get into a torrential elf argument. Hats are tossed on the ground and stomped. Fingers pointed. General blaming. ENTER MRS. CLAUS who spies the infernal racket...)

MRS CLAUS - What on Earth . . . Stop it! Stop it!!! We have visitors! WE HAVE VISITORS!

(ELVES stop and look at audience with apologetic grins. All murmur their own general "sorry's".)

MRS. CLAUS - That's more like it. (to audience) Hello everyone1 Happy Holidays! I'm Mrs. Claus.

BINKY - How's Santa feeling?

BANDO - Yeah, he doesn't sound too good over the speaker.

BOOGA - Sounds like a nasty cold he's got there.

MRS. CLAUS - Well, actually .... if the truth be known, Santa is very sick. He won't admit it, though. Men. But I'll have him up and around in no time.

MRS. CLAUS (over the intercom)
Oh, how does this thing work? Attention! May I have your attention, please! Is this thing on? I have just been informed that there are no more orders coming in.

ELVES - Hooray!

MRS CLAUS - Elves, please count the toys and see if we have enough. Mrs. Claus, Over and Out! .....Is this thing off? (Squelch! click!)

BINKY - What about Santa?

BANDO - Yeah, she didn’t say anything about Santa. Booga, you go check on him. I’ll count the toys.


BINKY - What about me?

BANDO - You stay here and entertain the troops. (EXITS)

BINKY - Roger Wilco! Everyone say, “Bye Bando and Booga!”
OK, I think what I’d like to do is sing you a song that I wrote. It’s a lot like the one we sang earlier, you know abut Rudolph, but this one is about his cousin. It’s called “Randolph the Runny-Nosed Reindeer.” And it goes something like this:


Randolph the Runny-Nosed Reindeer (Reindeer)
Had a very runny nose (Like a waterfall!)
And if you ever saw it (saw it)
You would say: “Well thar she blooows!

All of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and call him names (like faucet nose),
They never let poor Randolph (Randolph)
Join in any Reindeer games (like wrestling)

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
“Randolph with your runny nose,
Use my hanky and stop that hose!”

Then how the Reindeer loved him (loved him),
And they shouted out with glee (Whee!)
Randolph the runny nosed reindeer (Reindeer)
Won’t get any more on me!