CASTAsk J. Jaquish to add or subtract characters, free!
READER 1 (follows the rules)
READER 2 (mischievous)
READER 3 (silly)
HANSEL (brat)
GRETEL (brat)
STEPMOM (stressed)
FATHER (unthinking)
WITCH
FAIRY DOG MOTHER
FAIRY FROG MOTHER
Optional CREEPY CREATURES
(sing and move like scary animals with claws):
----Note: DWARVES = ELVES in the script. Dwarves can also play Creatures w/ quick costume change.----
ELF 1 – Bossy
ELF 2 - Smelly
ELF 3- Picky
ELF 4 - Clumsy
ELF 5 - Sleepy
ELF 6 - Whiny
ELF 7- Groovy
ELF 8- Doofy
ELF 9 - Jumpy
ELF 10- SNEEZY twin
ELF 11 - SNEEZY twin
--Author will help you change number of Elves.
PROPS:
Big pot ---spritz silver spray paint on a black storage tub, Big spoon, Spice containers
Potato, carrot, & celery stalk (refrigerate)
2 hankies for Sneezy
Dog’s & Frog’s wands are optional
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
To use the music, give credit in your printed playbill like this:
Music for “Huddle Closer” is “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”, composed by Tchaikovsky, and performed by Kevin MacLeod -- www.incompetech.com -- (c) Creative Commons, attribution required.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Hansel & Gretel and the Creepy Woods
11 Elves /21 Actors + Creatures VersionBi-Lingual Version -- ENGLISH & YOUR LANGUAGE
--- Translate the lines in ALL CAPITALS to your language. Please send a copy to J. Jaquish. ---
A FREE SCRIPT by Jeannette Jaquish if she is notified.
(c) 2005, 2011, 2015, 2017 Jeannette Jaquish
Lots more scripts at www.theaterfunscripts.com
Email: funantics.scripts@yahoo.com
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
ONE ACT PLAY
SET: Forest background. Outside of Hansel and Gretel's house. It can be turned around to be the inside of the Witch's house.
-----
READER 1: Welcome!
READER 2: WELCOME!
READER 3: We are happy to perform for you,
READER 1 2 3: Hansel and Gretel and the Creeeepy Woods.
READER 3: CREEPY WOODS! EEEK!
READER 1: by Jeannette Jaquish!
(Juh-Net Jay-Quish)
AND TRANSLATED INTO __________________
BY ___________________________________
READER 2: SO SIT BACK! GET COMFORTABLE!
READER 3: And enjoy the show!
READER 1: ONCE UPON A TIME,
READER 2: Once upon a time,
READER 1: A LONG TIME AGO,
READER 2: A long time ago,
READER 3: THERE LIVED A BROTHER AND SISTER WHO WERE VERY BADLY BEHAVED!
READER 1: There lived a brother and sister who were absolute brats!
READER 1 2 3: Named Hansel and Gretel!
HANSEL (running on): I’m Hansel.
GRETEL (running on): I’m Gretel!
H & G: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
[HANSEL & GRETEL start dancing around like idiots.]
READER 1: Yes, just as we said. They lived in a cottage in the woods with..
(FATHER ENTERS, then STEPMOTHER.)
HANSEL: I’m Hansel.
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
H & G: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
READER 1 2 3: Enough!
[HANSEL & GRETEL continue, but softer, gradually getting louder.]
READER 2: THEY LIVED IN A COTTAGE IN THE WOODS WITH THEIR FATHER.
FATHER [looking at them]: My dear son and daughter, Hansel and Gretel.
[smiles and clutches his heart]
READER 3: WHO LOVED THEM VERY MUCH.
READER 1: AND THEIR STEPMOTHER WHO WAS SICK OF ALL THE NOISE.
STEPMOTHER: Those kids are driving me crazy. Being a stepmother is rough.
HANSEL (skipping around her): I’m Hansel.
GRETEL (skipping around her): I’m Gretel!
H & G: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
[H & G continue on and on....]
STEPMOTHER: They say it over and over and over. I AM LOSING MY MIND!
READER 3: YOU CAN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
STEPMOM : Husband! Your children are driving me bonkers. Crazy! Insane!
(Lots of translations of “CRAZY”):
Take them into the woods and leave them!
FATHER : TAKE THEM INTO THE WOODS AND LEAVE THEM? BUT DARLING, THEY WILL GET HUNGRY.
STEPMOM : No, Silly, they won’t get hungry. A nice witch will feed them gingerbread.
FATHER : OF COURSE! THERE IS ALWAYS A NICE WITCH IN THE WOODS SERVING GINGERBREAD.
Mmmmm... Yummy! OK! Come on kids!
HANSEL & GRETEL: HOORAY! WHERE ARE WE GOING?
FATHER: It’s a delicious surpriiiise.
HANSEL & GRETEL: HOORAY! A DELICIOUS SURPRISE!
[FATHER leads HANSEL & GRETEL around the stage or audience.]
READER 1: So the stereotypically clueless father ...
READER 2: THIS MAN IS SIMILAR TO THE CONFUSED DADS IN AMERICAN TV SHOWS.
READER 3 [mocking voice]: DUH! MY KIDS ARE RUDE. WHERE ARE MY CAR KEYS? OOPS! I SAT ON THE CAT.
READER 1: Took Hansel and Gretel far far away...
HANSEL: WHERE ARE WE GOING?
GRETEL: Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
READER 2: THEIR FATHER LED THEM ALL OVER THE COUNTRYSIDE...
READER 3: TRYING TO GET LOST.
GRETEL: Round and round in circles..
HANSEL: I AM GETTING DIZZY ...
READER 1: And left them!
FATHER: GOODBYE CHILDREN!
HANSEL & GRETEL: Goodbye, Father!
READER 2: But Instead of leaving them in the woods--
GRETEL: Why did Father leave us in the weeds?
READER 3: YES. THEIR FATHER TRAMPLED OVER 5 KILOMETERS TO LEAVE THEM IN A STICKER PATCH.
READER: Hansel and Gretel stood around in the prickly stickly weeds waiting for their father.
GRETEL: Ow!
HANSEL: Ow!
GRETEL: Ow!
HANSEL: Ow!
READER 1: FINALLY GRETEL REALIZED HE WAS NOT COMING BACK.
GRETEL: Daddy is not coming back. How will we find our way home?
HANSEL: Look, our house is right over there. You can see it!
READER 2: YES. FATHER HAD LEFT THEM IN A STICKER PATCH THAT WAS ACROSS THE ROAD FROM THEIR HOUSE.
READER 3: So they walked home and jumped on the couch and got stickers all over it.
(JUMPING)
HANSEL: I’m Hansel! Hansel! Hansel!
GRETEL: I’m Gretel! Gretel! Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: WE’RE JUMP JUMP JUMPING ON THE COUCH COUCH COUCH!
[continue on and on...]
READER 1: THEIR STEPMOTHER HEARD THE NOISE AND CAME OUT TO SEE.
STEPMOM: Oh, no! They are back.
[clutches her head]
READER 2: THEIR STEPMOTHER HAD A SPLITTING HEADACHE WHEN SHE CALLED HER HUSBAND.
STEPMOM: Husband!
FATHER: Yes, Dear? Do you have a headache?
READER 3: SHE TOLD HER HUSBAND WHERE TO TAKE THOSE NOISY CHILDREN.
STEPMOM : Take those noisy children over the hill and deep into the forest and leave them!
FATHER : DEEP INTO THE FOREST AND LEAVE THEM? BUT THEY WILL GET HUNGRY!
STEPMOM : Don’t worry. Seven little dwarves will feed them.
FATHER : OH! OF COURSE. FOREST DWARVES LIKE TO FEED LOST LITTLE CHILDREN. Come on, kids!
HANSEL & GRETEL: Hooray!
(STEPMOTHER EXITS.
FATHER leads H&G through the audience. THEY look at the audience people as if they are scary monsters and trees.
CURTAIN CLOSES - change set.)
READER 1: SO THEIR FATHER TOOK THEM OVER THE HILL ...
GRETEL: Whee! Over the hill!
READER 2: THROUGH TWISTED SCARY TREES.
HANSEL: These twisted trees are scary, Gretel!
GRETEL: Be brave, Hansel. Father will protect us.
READER 3: PAST THE DENS OF HIDEOUS, SMELLY, UNSUPERVISED CREATURES, WHO WATCHED THEM AS THEY PASSED.
(Children look at audience people fearfully)
GRETEL: Hansel! Look at these hideous, smelly unsupervised creatures.
HANSEL: Their eyes are following us!
READER 1: FINALLY, THEY REACHED A CLEARING. THEIR FATHER PATTED THEM ON THE HEAD, AND GAVE THEM SOME WORDS OF WISDOM.
FATHER: SAY HELLO TO SNEEZY FOR ME. Bye kids! (EXITS)
GRETEL: Say “Hello” to Sneezy?
HANSEL: Hooray! We are going to meet Sneezy!
READER 2: THEIR FATHER HEADED HOME WISHING HE WAS GOING TO HAVE GINGERBREAD FOR BREAKFAST.
FATHER: Mmmm... gingerbread for breakfast. (EXITS)
READER 3: HANSEL AND GRETEL HUDDLED TOGETHER AS THE FOREST GOT DARKER AND COLDER.
HANSEL (scared): I’m scared.
GRETEL (scared): I’m cold.
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re scared and cold.
(ELVES or CREATURES at rear of audience do sound FX:)
READER 1: THE CRICKETS CHIRPED. (Elves chirp.)
HANSEL: Crickets!
READER 2: THE OWLS HOOTED. (Elves hoot.)
GRETEL: Owls!
READER 3: THE MOON ROSE HIGH. (Elves sing “Aaaah!”.)
HANSEL: Look! The Moon!
GRETEL: So beautiful!
READER 1: THE WOLVES HOWLED. (Elves howl.)
HANSEL AND GRETEL: Wolves! Eeek!
(To skip the song, have Hansel and Gretel cry themselves to sleep instead.)
*------*
Huddle Closer
Dance of the Scary Creatures
HUDDLE CLOSER
DANCE OF THE SCARY CREATURES
(MUSIC UP: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, by Tchaikovsky, performed by Kevin MacLeod -- 1min 47 sec.
This music is included with the script.)
(MUSIC UP: “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”)
[Assign Readers by their singing range.]
READER 2: HANSEL AND GRETEL BEGAN TO REALIZE THE DANGER THEY WERE IN.
READER 3: Alone in the woods
HANSEL (shivering): I’m Hansel. . . .
GRETEL (shivering): I’m Gretel. . . .
(CREATURES ENTER, in a scary, claws up, dance, slowly approaching and circling frightened Hansel & Gretel.)
(start singing as glockenspiel begins)
READER :
HUDDLE CLOSER CHILDREN,
IN THE WOODS,
In the woods,
In the woods,
VERY FAR FROM HOME;
(Oboe descends)
WITCH (entering):
IT IS GETTING DARKER,
IN THE WOODS,
in the woods,
in the woods,
YOU ARE ALL ALONE;
(Oboe descends)
READER :
SILLY CHILDREN, WAKE UP,
YOU DON’T KNOW,
You don’t know,
You don’t know,
WHAT IS IN THE WOODS;
Build a fire, [READER : FIRE!]
Climb higher, [READER : CLIMB! (or) HIDE!]
FIND A WAY TO SURVIVE!
(0:40 to 0:47 strong violins, then violas INDIVIDUAL CREATURES flit across on the music.)
HANSEL - Do you hear the branches breaking?
(0:47 violin surge)
GRETEL - YES, I HEAR BRANCHES BREAKING.
HANSEL: Something flew across the moonlight.
(0:51 violas)
GRETEL: FLAPPING WINGS ACROSS THE MOON.
(Bolder bigger Creature movements.)
(0:54 to 1:00 violin surge)
HANSEL - I hear breathing, I smell danger, I can’t stay awaaaake.
(1:00 - dreamy glockenspiel
- HANSEL & GRETEL twirl-slump to the ground asleep.
CREATURES slowly circle, facing in, then out, claws up. Witch lurks near.)
WITCH & READER:
Huddle closer, Children,
in the Woods,
IN THE WOODS,
IN THE WOODS,
Very far from home.
(Oboe descends)
There are dark things, lurking,
in the Woods,
IN THE WOODS,
IN THE WOODS,
Eat you to the bone;
(Oboe descends)
READER & CREATURES-protective pose:
Silly children, sleeping,
We will stay,
We will watch,
We will fight,
What is in the woods.
(WITCH sneaks toward Hansel & Gretel)
With our sharp teeth (snap teeth),
With our long claws (slash claws),
We will help you, .... Survive!
Rahhrr! (CREATURES Chase Witch -EXIT!)
READER 1: Yawwn! Oh, my! It’s morning!
READER 2: WE MUST HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP!
READER 3: Looks like it was a quiet night.
GRETEL SHOOK HANSEL AWAKE.
GRETEL: Hansel, it’s morning.
HANSEL: I’m hungry. What’s for breakfast?
GRETEL: BREAKFAST?? HOW WILL WE FIND BREAKFAST IN THE FOREST?
HANSEL: I forgot! We are lost!
GRETEL: YES! WE ARE LOST.
HANSEL & GRETEL (crying): WHAT IS FOR BREAKFAST?
WITCH [ENTERING]: Heee heee! You are!
HANSEL & GRETEL: WE ARE?
WITCH: Oops! I mean you delicious, I mean delightful, children are having breakfast with me.
HANSEL & GRETEL: WE ARE HAVING BREAKFAST WITH YOU! HOORAY!
HANSEL: But who are you?
WITCH: WHO AM I? I AM A NICE OLD LADY.
GRETEL (to Hansel): She is a nice old lady.
WITCH: I LIVE IN A HOUSE BEHIND THOSE TREES.
HANSEL (to Gretel): She lives in a house behind those trees.
WITCH: MY HOBBIES ARE --
HANSEL: I'M HANSEL!
GRETEL: I'M GRETEL!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We're Hansel and Gretel!
WITCH - ENOUGH! Enough! (Lots of translations of "Enough".)
Walk this way...
(WITCH walks bent over in a funny manner; HANSEL & GRETEL imitate her in a funny way to her “house”.)
[CREATURES can live in Witch’s house as pets and stay in the background watching, scratching, sleeping and reacting.]
READER 1: THE NICE OLD LADY WAS REALLY A WICKED WITCH WHO LIKED TO EAT CHILDREN!
READER 2: This nice old lady had a cookbook titled “How to Serve Children” [pause] “For Dinner”!
READER 3: SHE TOOK THEM INTO HER HOUSE. GRETEL LOOKED AROUND.
GRETEL: I thought you would have a gingerbread house.
HANSEL: YES! WHERE ARE THE PEPPERMINT SHINGLES?
WITCH : Oh, the property taxes on that thing were killing me!
GRETEL: COULDN’T YOU PAY YOUR PROPERTY TAXES WITH CHOCOLATE COINS?
READER 1: ALL THIS TALK OF CANDY MADE HANSEL HUNGRY:
HANSEL: What’s for breakfast?
WITCH : Something delicious,
HANSEL: DELICIOUS!
WITCH: But first you must wash up.
HANSEL: OH NO! I HATE WASHING UP.
READER 1: THE WITCH INVITED THEM TO HOP INTO A BIG POT OF WARM WATER.
WITCH : Scrub a dub a dub, into the tub!
GRETEL [reaches in and holds up a carrot]: Why are there carrots?....
WITCH [innocently]: CARROTS???
HANSEL [pulls out a potato and celery stalk]: and potatoes and celery floating in the bathtub?
WITCH [innocently]: POTATOES AND CELERY? Oh, hee hee hee hee. Those are bath toys!
HANSEL & GRETEL: HOORAY! BATH TOYS!
[They hop in the pot and splash around, still standing.]
READER 2: SO HANSEL AND GRETEL, WHO WERE NEVER THE BRIGHTEST CANDLES ON THE CAKE...
READER 3: Absolutely! Hansel couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
HANSEL (rubbing Potato under arm like soap): La la la la. . .
READER 2: And if you gave Gretel a penny for her thoughts, you’d get change back!
GRETEL (using Carrot like a Q-tip in her ear): Ahhhhhh....
READER 2 3: Ha Ha Ha!
READER 1 [interrupting]: HEY! LOOK! WHILE YOU TWO ARE RUDELY INSULTING CHILDREN, HANSEL AND GRETEL HAVE CLIMBED INTO THE WITCH’S SOUP POT!
READER 2 3: Oops! OH NO! Sorry! [THEY put hands on their faces and peek thru fingers.]
HANSEL [uses Celery stalk like a toothbrush]
WITCH: Sit down, my little fishies, or you'll never cook -- I mean get clean. Squeaky-deeky clean!
HANSEL & GRETEL (plopping down on their knees): OK! Kersplash!
[HANSEL lifts up a rubber ducky he finds in the pot, and sings:]
[Song: “Rubber Ducky” from Sesame Street]
HANSEL (singing): Rubber ducky, you're the one.
GRETEL [flaps her arms]: Quack! Quack!
HANSEL: You make bath time lots of fun!
GRETEL: Quack Quack!
HANSEL: Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of--
GRETEL: RUBBER DUCKY I’M AWFULLY FOND OF --
HANSEL & GRETEL: Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of you! [finish song with a pose]
WITCH [grabs rubber duck and tosses it away]:
NO RUBBER DUCKS IN THE STEW! -- I MEAN BATH WATER!
HANSEL & GRETEL [jump up and “splash” down]: Whee! Splash!
[WITCH gasps as if she has been splashed.]
READER 1: IS SHE GOING TO MELT??
WITCH: I’m melting! I’m melting. Ha Ha! Not!
READER 2: Unfortunately, this witch was not allergic to water.
READER 3: THIS WITCH IS JUST THIRD COUSIN TO THE WICKED WITCH IN THE LAND OF Oz.
READER 1: THE WITCH BEGAN TO ADD SALT AND SPICES.
WITCH (hums): Marjoram, Turmeric, Garlic, [more spices:]
Lots of Pepper, a sprinkle of Salt.
GRETEL: What are you sprinkling on us?
WITCH : Oh... um..bubble powder! Hee hee hee...
GRETEL: HOORAY! MORE BUBBLES! (Splash splash)
READER 2: THERE WAS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
[ SOUND FX = KNOCK! KNOCK! ]
WITCH : Who’s there?
(Elves march in from rear of audience, singing a marching chant.)
ELF 1: I don’t know but I’ve been told!
ELVES: Leprechauns got pots of gold.
ELF 1: But do not grab one by the leg.
ELVES: Their feet smell like rotten egg!
ELF 1: One, two and three, four!
ELVES: Guess who’s knocking at the door!
ELF 1: Five, six and seven, eight!
ELVES: Dwarves don’t like their supper late!
ELF 1: Nine, Ten, Eleven STOP! (ALL stop.)
ELVES: We are just about to drop.
ELF 1 : Sound off!
ELVES: One two!
ELF 1: Sound off
ELVES: Three Four
ELF 1: Sound off
ELVES: Five Six
ELF 1: Sound off
ELVES: Seven!
ELF 1: Sound off
ELVES: Eight Nine Ten Eleven!
(ELF in front stops suddenly, and other Elves crash. Elf 1 jumps up.)
ELF 1: ATTENTION! (Elves jump to attention.)
PLEASED TO MEET YOU! I’m Bossy!
WITCH: BOSSY?
(Each Elf steps forward and back to speak.)
ELF 2: I’m Smelly. (Flaps arms. Elves hold noses)
WITCH: SMELLY? Whooeee!
ELF 3: I’m Picky.
WITCH: PICKY?
ELF 4: I’m Clumsy. (trips on own feet)
WITCH: CLUMSY?
ELF 5: I’m Sleeee (falls asleep)....py.
WITCH: SLEEPY? GET OFF MY FLOOR!
ELF 6: I’m Whiiiiny.
WITCH: WHINY? -- HEY! THAT IS MY JOB!
ELF 7: I’m Groovy.
WITCH: GROOVY? HA! I DON’T THINK SO.
ELF 8: I’m Doofy
WITCH: DOOFY? THAT MAKES SENSE.
ELF 9: I’m Jumpy.
WITCH: JUMPY?
ELF 8: Boo!
ELF 9: Eeeek!
ELF 8: And those two are ...
ELF 10: & 11: AAAACHOO!
(Sneezes on other dwarves who fall.)
ELVES (fallen on the floor): The Sneezy Twins!!!
WITCH: IS THAT WHAT YOUR PARENTS NAMED YOU???
HANSEL: GRETEL! THERE ARE TWO OF THEM!
( ELVES jump up.)
ELF 1: We just stopped by to wish a good day!
ELF 2: We live in a cottage down the way.
ELF 3: We were just passing by when we came under the spell,
ELF 4: Of a most wonderful lip-smacking smell.
ELF 5: An enchanting culinary bouquet! (snore)
ELF 6: We don't wish to pry.
ELF 7: And it ain’t cool to spy.
ELF 8: But if you don't feed us we're likely to cry.
ELF 9: That wonderful smell has made our heads spin. So if you don’t mind --
ALL ELVES: May we come in?
ELF 10 & 11: And borrow a Kleenex??? Achoo!
WITCH : MAY YOU COME IN??? YOU ARE IN! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE WALMART???
I DO NOT HAVE ANY KLEENEX!
READER 3: HANSEL JUMPED UP AND YELLED.
HANSEL: Hey! Sneezy Twins!
SNEEZYs: Aaaachoo! (Wipes nose with hanky and waves it.)
HANSEL: My dad says hi!
ELF 10 & 11: TELL YOUR FATHER WE SAY HELLO IN RETURN!
READER 1: THE ELEVEN DWARVES WERE MOOCHERS!
(ELVES search front row of audience.)
READER 2: They started scrounging around for something to eat.
READER 3: THEY HAD NOT HAD A HOT MEAL SINCE SNOW WHITE MARRIED THE HANDSOME PRINCE AND MOVED OUT.
READER 1: In fact, since Snow White left, they had nothing to eat except Peter Piper Pickled Pepper Pizza.
READER 2: THEY SEARCHED THE HOUSE, BUT ALL THEY FOUND WERE --
READER 3: Hideous gargoyles!
ALL ELVES (looking in the face of an audience person): Eeeeek!
(ELVES run back to stage, line up.)
READER 1: HOW FRIGHTENING!
AND INSTEAD OF FINDING FOOD THEY FOUND:
(pantomime finding these things: )
ELF 1: Spider legs in the cupboard!
OTHER ELVES: SPIDER LEGS IN THE CUPBOARD?
ELF 2: Frog tongues in the refrigerator!
OTHER ELVES: FROG TONGUES IN THE REFRIGERATOR?
ELF 3: Monkey ears in the toaster! Yuck!
OTHER ELVES: MONKEY EARS IN THE TOASTER?
ELF 4: Rabbit teeth in the candy dish!
OTHER ELVES: RABBIT TEETH IN THE CANDY DISH?
ELF 5: Hissing cockroaches in the cookie jar!
OTHER ELVES: HISSING COCKROACHES IN THE COOKIE JAR?
ELF 6: Wiggly Worms in the spoon drawer.
OTHER ELVES: WIGGLY WORMS IN THE SPOON DRAWER?
ELF 7 (point): Dude! What is in that bag?
(10 & 11 hold bag)
ELF 8: (peeking in) OH! IT IS HORRIBLE!
ELVES: WHAT IS IT?
ELF 8: (peeking in) It's too terrible to tell you!
ELVES: TELL US!
ELF 9 (peeking in) : You'll be sorry! Tell them!
ELVES 10 & 11: SUGARLESS CANDY CORN!
ALL ELVES: Sugarless candy corn??? Blecch!
Disgusting!!!
ELF 10: WHY DO PEOPLE BUY THAT STUFF?
ELF 11: There is nothing good to eat!
ELVES: OHHH! [rubs their hungry stomachs]
READER 1: BUT THE DWARVES KNEW THEY SMELLED SOMETHING DELICIOUS.
ELF 11: Do you smell that?
ELF 10 (sniff): Yum!
READER 2: THEY FOLLOWED THEIR NOSES UNTIL THEIR LEADER FOUND....
(DWARVES sniff around. Go to both sides of pot.)
ELF 1: Attention! I have discovered a big pot of soup!
ELVES: HOORAY! SOUP!
HANSEL & GRETEL: Soup? Where? I’m hungry!
ELF 2: Oh, no! Children Soup!
HANSEL & GRETEL: What?
ELF 3: YOU ARE THE SOUP!
HANSEL & GRETEL: Eeeeeek!
READER 3: THE DWARVES TRIED TO RESCUE THE CHILDREN.
READER 1: Unfortunately, the Dwarves never finished their water rescue classes.
(ELVES pretend to pull on both arms of children, left, right, left, right. Some ELVES lose their grip and fall on their rear ends.
Practice so the ELVES are not pulling hard, but H & G are flopping left and right.
The WITCH continues to stir and sprinkle spice.)
ELF 4 (falls down): It’s not working!!
[The ELVES flop down exhausted.]
READER 2: THE DWARVES YELLED FOR THE CHILDREN TO GET OUT.
[ELVES jump up.]
ELF 5: Children! Get out of that soup pot!
ELF 6: The witch wants to cook and eat you!
WITCH (tasting spoon): SCHLURRRP! MORE PEPPER!
READER 3: BUT HANSEL AND GRETEL HAD BEEN IN THE HOT WATER TOO LONG.
GRETEL (wiping brow): I’m melting.....
HANSEL: Me tooooo....
(HANSEL & GRETEL faint, hanging over the front edge of the pot.)
READER 1: HANSEL AND GRETEL FAINTED IN THE HOT WATER!
AND IT WAS GETTING HOTTER!
THE DWARVES TRIED TO LIFT THEM OUT!
ELF 7: We are running out of time!
ELF 1: Calling all Dwarves! 1, 2, 3, Lift!
(ELVES grab H&G and partially lift them.)
READER 2: BUT THE WITCH FLAPPED HER ARMS AND YELLED!
WITCH : Stop that right now!
(ELVES drop H & G, and jump back.)
READER 3: THE LEADER OF THE DWARVES WAS VERY BRAVE.
ELF 1 (points finger in her face): Let them go you mean ol’ witch!
WITCH : YOU let them go or I’ll turn you all into dwarf hamsters.
HANSEL: Dwarf hamsters are so cute.......
WITCH : Bite-size dwarf hamsters. Yum.
ALL ELVES: BITE-SIZED DWARF HAMSTERS?! Eeeek! (jump back)
READER 1: THE DWARVES LET GO! THEY WERE AFRAID TO BE TURNED INTO DWARF HAMSTERS.
READER 2: EVEN IF DWARF HAMSTERS ARE VERY CUTE.
READER 3: THE LEADER HAD AN IDEA. SHE TOLD GRETEL...
ELF 1: Gretel! Call on your Fairy Godmother!
ALL ELVES: GRETEL! GRETEL! WAKE UP!
ELF 1: GRETEL! CALL YOUR Fairy Godmother!
ALL ELVES: GRETEL! GRETEL! WAKE UP!
GRETEL (groggy): Calling Fairy Dog Mother...
READER 1: IN A BLINDING FLASH OF LIGHT THERE APPEARED --
***[FX - Bright Flash of Light]
DOG (leaping onto stage): Woof!
ELF 8: Who are you?
DOG: Gretel’s Fairy Dog Mother! Woof!
ALL ELVES: Oh, no!
READER 2: Fairy God Mother. Fairy Dog Mother. AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE.
ELF 1: No No! Gretel! Call on your Fairy God MOTHER!
GRETEL: Calling Fairy Frog Mother....
READER 3: And in another blinding flash of light there appeared --
***[FX - Bright Flash of Light]
FROG (leaping onto stage): Kribbit!
ELF 9: WHO ARE YOU?
FROG: Gretel’s Fairy Frog Mother! Kribbit!
ALL ELVES: Oh, No No No!
ELF 1: Gretel! Call on your Fairy God Mother!
GRETEL: Snore!
READER 1: GRETEL’S SNORING SHOOK THE HOUSE!
(ELVES stumble around.)
ELF 4 She’s asleep!
ELF 5: She can’t call anyone!
ELF 6: How about Hansel? Could HE call HIS Fairy God Mother?
ELF 7: Get real! Hansel is out to lunch. He would probably call his Fairy Hamster Mother!
ALL ELVES (nodding): Yeah....
READER 2 (walking across stage gesturing): THIS LOOKS VERY BAD! HANSEL AND GRETEL ARE ALMOST GRAVY, AND INSTEAD OF A Fairy God Mother, WE HAVE A Fairy Dog Mother --
DOG: Woof!
READER 2: ... AND A Fairy Frog Mother!
FROG: Kribbit!
READER 2: IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WILL BE NO HAPPY ENDING TO THIS STORY. THE DWARVES BURST INTO TEARS.
ALL ELVES: Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
ELF 8: This is terrible, terrible, terrible!
(FAIRY DOG & FROG walk downstage together.)
READER 3: The Fairy Dog and Fairy Frog Mothers looked at each other.
FROG : Well this is a pretty mess!
DOG: You said it, Wonder Warts. I guess it’s up to us.
FROG: Right you are, Magical Mutt. Do you know what to do?
DOG: Sure do. Let’s roll!
(DOG & FROG roll on the floor.
If you do this right, you’ll get a huge laugh.)
READER 3: THE Fairy Dog Mother CAST A SPELL ON THE WICKED WITCH, GIVING HER FLEAS AND ALLERGIES.
DOG (waving paws): Fleezus-Sneezus! Woof!
WITCH : HA HA! DOG MAGIC? (sarcastic) OH, I AM SO AFRAID. HA HA HA!
SO.. SO... SO... ITCHY! ITCHY! ITCHY!
So so so Itchy! Itchy! Itchy!
Aaachoo! Aaachoo!
(SNEEZY 10 & 11 hand a hanky to the Witch who blows a raspberry into it and tries to hand it back.)
SNEEZY 10 & 11: Yuck! (ELVES 10 & 11 jump back in disgust. Witch drops it on the floor.)
READER 1: THE Fairy Frog Mother HOPPED OVER TO THE POT AND SAID THESE MAGIC WORDS:
FROG: Hoppus Ploppus Stoppus! Kribbit!
READER 1: THE FROG HOPPED INTO THE POT, SPLASHING HANSEL AND GRETEL OUT IN A HUGE TIDAL WAVE!
(FROG jumps in – HANSEL & GRETEL jump out. ELVES fall down in the imaginary tidal wave.)
READER 1: THE DWARVES CHEERED!
ALL ELVES: Yay! 1, 2, 3 --
Go Fairy Frog! Kribbit Kribbit Kribbit!
Go Fairy Dog! Woof Woof Woof!
READER 1: THE WICKED WITCH RAN OFF TO JUMP IN THE RIVER TO DROWN HER FLEAS.
WITCH: Oh, I’m so itchy itchy itchy... (EXIT)
(DOG and FROG chase her, EXITING.)
FROG: WAIT FOR ME, WITCHY! I WANT TO TRY MY WART SPELL!
DOG: Woof!
READER 2: HANSEL AND GRETEL RECOVERED FROM THEIR SOUP INDUCED HEAT STROKE.
THEY INTRODUCED THEMSELVES TO THE DWARVES.
HANSEL: Hi! I’m Hansel.
GRETEL: Hi! I’m Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
ELF 1 : Hi! We’re the eleven dwarves.
ELF 2: You may have heard of us in the story of Snow White.
ELF 3: Once upon a time a long time ago...
HANSEL: I’m Hansel.
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
HANSEL: I’m Hansel.
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
ELF 1, 2 & 3 : Enough!
READER 3: THE DWARVES SHOWED HANSEL AND GRETEL THE WAY HOME.
(Travel into audience or around stage.)
HANSEL: I’m Hansel.
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re Hansel and Gretel! (on and on and on)
(ELVES have hands over ears and moaning.)
READER 1: THE DWARVES COULDN’T GET RID OF HANSEL AND GRETEL FAST ENOUGH.
(Go to Home area. Each Elf pauses to speak.)
ELF 1: Here is your house! Good bye!
ELF 2: What an ordeal!
ELF 3: I thought they would never stop yakking!
ELF 4: They never did!
ELF 5: My ears are killing me!
ELF 6: My ears are bigger than yours, so mine hurt more!
ELF 7: Hey, tune in to my awesome ears! My ears are so big they have their own weather!
ELF 8: Oh let's go home. We never did get anything to eat.
ELF 9: What else could go wrong?
SNEEZY 10&11: Aaachoo! (search pockets for hanky but can’t find it so blow raspberry on back of Elf 9’s shirt.)
ELF 9: Hey! What’s going on back there!
(ELVES EXIT or sit at front of audience.)
READER 2: SO WITH HUNGRY STOMACHS, AND RINGING EARS, THE DWARVES WERE HAPPY TO GO BACK TO THEIR COTTAGE IN THE WOODS.
READER 3: HANSEL WAS SAD TO SEE THEM GO.
HANSEL: Bye, Sneezy Twins! You are my favorites!
READER 3: WHEN THEIR FATHER CAME OUT OF THE DOOR, HE WAS VERY HAPPY TO SEE THEM.
(ALL hug.) AND VERY SORRY THAT HE HAD LEFT THEM IN THE WOODS. HE CALLED TO HIS WIFE --
FATHER: Honey, the kids are home!
STEPMOM (ENTERING) : Oh, no!
HANSEL: Remember us? I’m Hansel!
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
HANSEL: I’m Hansel!
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re Hansel--
FATHER : Enough! Stop saying the same thing over and over. You are driving us crazy!
(to audience) I DID NOT REALIZE HOW OBNOXIOUS THEY ARE UNTIL THEY CAME BACK.
GRETEL: Ok, Daddy! Would you like to talk about biology, instead?
FATHER: BIOLOGY?
HANSEL: Or architecture?
FATHER: ARCHITECTURE?
STEPMOM : Oh, I love biology and architecture! Let’s go down to the pond and catch frogs and build sandcastles!
(STEPMOM, HANSEL & GRETEL, cross stage, pantomime.)
READER 1: WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT THERE WERE SERIOUS THOUGHTS BEHIND THOSE TALKATIVE MOUTHS?
GRETEL: I’m making a princess castle.
STEPMOM: The archway is very graceful.
GRETEL: ARCHWAYS FIRST APPEARED IN ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA.
STEPMOM: OH? THE ROMANS DID NOT INVENT THEM?
GRETEL: NO. BUT THEY IMPROVED THEM.
HANSEL: Wet sand will not have the tensile strength of brick or stone.
GRETEL: Good idea! I’ll try bricks next.
STEPMOM: You two children work well together.
HANSEL & GRETEL: THANK YOU, THIS IS FUN.
STEPMOM: Yes, lots of fun!
READER 2: And then a magical thing happened. When the yammering stopped, their stepmother magically turned into a loving caring person. It was magic!
READER 3: HEY, MR. FATHER! LOOK AT THE MAGICAL CHANGE IN YOUR WIFE!
FATHER: NO, I DO NOT THINK THAT IS MAGIC.
[He thinks for a moment]
I FINALLY ACTED LIKE A FATHER!
THAT IS MORE POWERFUL THAN MAGIC!
READER 1: That’s right!
It wasn’t magic. It was parenting!!!
And All of them:
[Actors run onstage.]
Children and Parents,
READER 2: Dwarves and Witches,
READER 3: Creatures, Frogs and Dogs, lived...
ALL: Happily ever after! HAPPILY EVER AFTER (or HAPPY FOREVER).
HANSEL: I’m Hansel!
GRETEL: I’m Gretel!
HANSEL & GRETEL: We’re Hansel and Gretel!
ALL: Enough! ENOUGH! The End! THE END!
MUSIC:
BOWS!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
TECHNICAL NOTES
Hansel and Gretel say “I’m Hansel. I’m Gretel.... on and on until someone says “Enough!”
If actors forget lines, Reader can prompt them like this: “Hansel said, “Remember us?..”
The Reader prompts them as if it was written in the story – just the beginning of the line is usually enough -- and as soon as the actor catches on and says their line, the Reader is quiet.
When Father takes Hansel and Gretel into the Woods, he can take them out into the audience.
Big Pot need not be a pot. A good “pot” is a large black plastic storage tub that you spritz silver spray paint upon.
Use a REAL POTATO, CARROT and CELERY!
It is SO FUNNY when the kids use them as soap, Q-tips and toothbrush.
Be sure to use them or a substitute prop in rehearsal, so the kids don’t pantomime in the performance.
The potato will serve day after day, but carrots and celery must be refrigerated or they will wilt.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
If using Music from FunAntics:
Please credit:
Forest Creatures’
“Huddle Closer” song is to the music of:
“Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies”
by Tchiakovsky
performed by Kevin MacLeod
© Creative Commons
www.incompetech.com