There's a Fly in my Soup! / Hay Una Mosca en mi Sopa!
Long Version
Spanish & English Theater Script

A Bilingual script by Jeannette Jaquish, adapted from an old joke

© 2003 Jeannette Jaquish
Offered for free performances if you notify playwright, Jeannette Jaquish. Long version is available. Ask and she will email them free.

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Note: Do not say the words in italics or inside parentheses. They are either stage directions, or translations.

FATHER (or any person)
SON (or any person)


(Two people enter, male or female, led by Waiter, and sit at table.)

WAITER: You may sit here.

SON: This restaurant looks nice.

FATHER: Si. Es un restaurante muy lindo…

WAITER (to FATHER): The menu.

FATHER: Thank you.

WAITER: You’re welcome. (to Son): El menu.

SON: Gracias.

WAITER: De nada. Do you need time to decide what to order?

SON: Necesita usted más tiempo para ordenar?

FATHER: No, I have already decided!

SON: Que ha va a pedir usted?

FATHER: Quiero la sopa especial. Esa tiene el arroz, las cebollas, los espárragos, el maíz, y las patatas.

SON: Rice, onions, asparagus, corn and potatoes! Mmmmm! I want the soup special also!

WAITER: Excelente! Volvere.

SON: I’m glad he’ll be right back. I’m hungry.

FATHER: Yo también tengo hambre. O mira! Aqui viene el mesero con el pan.

WAITER: Here is your bread. I’ll be right back with your soup.

(FATHER and Son try to bite bread..)

FATHER: O Dios! Este pan esta seco y duro!

SON: Ow! This dry, hard bread hurt my teeth.

FATHER: Te hizo doler los dientes?! (-You hurt your teeth?)

SON: (nodding, wiggling teeth) Ow. Ow…..Ow……Ow…

(Waiter returns carrying soup with thumb in FATHER’s bowl.)

FATHER: Waiter! This bread is --!!! --- You have your thumb in my soup!!!

WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin or tablecloth)

Me hablaba? Oh, Gracias por preocuparse por mí, Señor, pero la sopa no es caliente. (Exits)
(-My thumb? Thank you for your concern, Sir, but it’s not hot.)

FATHER: (shocked) Has oido esto? (Did you hear that?)

SON: (nodding, holding tooth) Yes, I heard that.

FATHER: He said, (mimicking) “Thank you for your concern but it’s not hot!” I can’t believe it!

SON: -(still talking holding tooth) Es incredible…

FATHER: Meaning my soup is cold!

SON: -(sticking his finger in his bowl) Vamos a comer y vayamonos rapido.
( Let’s just eat and get out of here.)

FATHER: Eat and get out of here? Not until I complain about the dry bread!

SON: Si, si. Este pan esta muy duro. (puts a spoon of soup into his mouth, spits it out) Bleccchh!! (-Yes, the dry bread.)

FATHER: Que pasa? (-What’s wrong?)

SON: El pan es malo, pero la sopa es la peor! [The bread is bad, but the soup is worse!]

FATHER: Por que? [Why?]

SON: Look! There is a fly in this soup!

FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Eso es terrible!! [A fly in your soup? Terrible!]

(Waiter returns.)

WAITER (placing bill on the table): Aqui esta la cuenta.

FATHER: La cuenta? Mesero! Este pan está seco, y mi sopa esta fría, y además…..
(-Waiter! This bread is dry and my soup is cold and also…..!)

WAITER: (one finger to each temple, thinkng) Hmmm…. Bread dry, soup cold…. Aha! (drops slices of bread (or crumbles) into his soup) Ta-daaa! Cold bread pudding. (to the Son) The bill includes a 20 percent tip for the waiter, 20 percent for the server, and 20 percent for the busboy.

FATHER: (staring at his bowl) COLD BREAD PUDDING!

SON: Viente porciento para el mesero? Viente porciento para el servidor? ? Y viente porciento 20% para el (busboy) ? USTED ES el mesero, el servidor!, y el (busboy) [20% for the waiter, 20% for the server and 20% for the busboy??? YOU are the waiter, server and busboy!]


[There is a fly in my soup and you want a 60% tip???]

WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Es eso un problema? Are you a vegetarian?!

FATHER: Mira! Mira! Yo veo cuatro moscas más nadando en la sopa. [Look! Look! I see four more flies in his soup!]

WAITER: Four more flies! (takes bill, starts to leave) Now I’ll have to charge you for rice with meat soup. Ay Caramba! No me gustan las matematicas.

SON: Pagarle a usted por arroz con carne!! Mesero! Venga! Vuelva aqui! (Waiter returns) Dígame, por favor, que hacen estas moscas en mi sopa? (-Charge me for rice with MEAT!?!?!?! Waiter! Come back here! (Waiter returns.) Tell me, please, what are these flies doing in my soup??)

WAITER: Hmmmm…..What are the flies doing in your soup?……..hmmmm….. The backstroke I believe.

FATHER: No, no, nadan estilo mariposa. [Backstroke? No no. That one is definitely doing the butterfly stroke.]

WAITER: (erasing and writing on the check) Butterfly stroke? Exotic meat and rice soup... that's an extra $2.50. Plus 20% for correcting the math. (Exits)

SON: Sopa exotica???? Dos cincuenta más?? Y otro vente porciento por corregir la cuenta??? Es esto un sueño?
[-Exotic soup?? An extra $2.50!! And another 20% for correcting the math??? Is this a dream?]

FATHER: I hope it is a dream. [Espero que esto sea realmente un sueño.]

SON: Yo no pagare por un plato con moscas! Mesero! Mesero! [I'm not paying for a bowl of flies! Waiter!! Waiter!!]

FATHER: Yes! Tell that waiter we are not paying!

(They look determined then sigh and sit hopeless, staring at their bowls with a hand on their empty stomachs.)
(Cook brings in big pot and sets on nearby empty table. EXITS)

SON: Yo no puedo comer este plato con moscas. Eso me hará enfermar, pero yo tengo mucho hambre…..
[I can't eat this bowl of flies. It makes me sick, but I'm so hungry.]

FATHER: Yes, I have a stomach ache from thinking about it. [Si, yo tengo un dolor de estómago por pensar en esto.]

SON: sniff sniff…. Que es eso que huele tan rico?
(sniff sniff What's that good smell?)

FATHER: Yes! What is that good smell? (looks around) It's that pot of stew over there!
(They get up and look inside pot.)

SON: Una olla de sopa! Mmmmm. Mira que espesa y sabrosa se ve.
[-A pot of stew! Mmmm, look how thick and rich it is.]

FATHER: And those savory chunks of meat and rich broth.

SON: Who is it for?

FATHER: No lse para quien es, pero vamos a servirnos un plato de sopa antes de que vuelva el Mesero.

SON: Scoop it out before the waiter comes back. Good idea! Hurry!

(They use their coffee cups to scoop it into their bowls and sit down to eat.)

SON: Yum yum! Isn't this delicious? Are these little green things peas?

FATHER: Hmmmm…Las pequeños cosas verdes pueden ser los chicharos. Muy picantes, verdad?.
[Hmmm… they might be peas. Very spicy, you think?]

SON: Yes, very spicy! (spooning up noodles) Is this fettuccini?

FATHER: Fettucini? Yo pienso que es col picada. -Fettucini? I think it is sliced cabbage.

SON: Sliced cabbage? No, too soft.

FATHER: Demasiado blando? Hmmm. No le siento el sabor. Esto es pavo?

SON: Turkey? No, no, sweet potato.

FATHER: El camote? Es posible. Que clase de frijol es este?

FATHER: Beans? Not beans. Maybe pumpkin seeds.

SON: Semillas de calabaza? No reconozco el sabor. Pero ya sean, calabaza o frijoles … esta sopa esta deliciosa!
-Pumpkin seeds? I don’t know, but pumpkin or beans, it is delicious.

FATHER: Yes, delicious!

SON: Sabes que papa, a pesar de los moscas y el pan duro, me gustaría regresar a esto restaurante, solo para pedir esta sopa deliciosa!
[In spite of the flies and dry bread, I want to come back to this restaurant, just to order this delicious soup!]

FATHER: I want to come back too. I wonder what this soup is called.

SON: Yo la llamaría: “sopa sabrosa con frijoles y camote”.
[I would call it savory bean and sweet potato soup.]

FATHER: I would call it tasty soup with pumpkin seeds and turkey.
[Yo llamaría a esto sopa sabrosa con semillas de calabaza y pavo.]

(Cook returns carrying mop. Looks in pot.)

SON: No, Yo la llamaria ---(interrupted) [No, I would call it--.]

COOK: Hey! Who spilled my mop water?? Que paso con el agua para el trapeador? El balde esta casi vacio ! [My mop water is almost gone!]

SON: (spit out soup) Mop water??!!

FATHER: (spit out soup) Agua para el trapeador!!!

(Son and FATHER run off gagging. Cook shrugs and scrapes their plates into mop bucket.)

COOK: Eddie! Tus clients se van sin pagar!
[Eddie! Your customers left without paying!]
A lot of our customers leave without paying, come to think of it. Darn! Now I have to add more water.

WAITER: (Entering, looking and leaving) Oh, some people have no class! Algunas personas no tienen clase!