The Damsel Game!
''Youíve seen him at dance balls, youíve seen him as a frog, youíve heard of him in legend and song...''

A parody of the 1970's TV game show, by Jeannette Jaquish

A conceited prince questions 3 (or 4) princesses to pick his dream date . . . nightmare.

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image by Mauricio Eiji Yamashita

The Damsel Game
by Jeannette Jaquish ~ * ~

optional additional SHOW HOST
PRINCE (conceited) -
-- CINDERELLA (obsessed with cleaning) -
-- SNOW WHITE (desperate to get out of the Dwarves House) -
-- RAPUNZEL (conceited about her hair, sarcastic teen) -
Longer Version adds:
(If some of the princesses are played by boys, introduce the boy princesses last for the comedy effect.)


A television show set. Colored lights on wall, geometric shape shadows, 1970ís style deco --
See video of the Dating Game with Michael Jackson as "Prince" (ironic).
See one way to make Dating Game set.
Or try this simple stage set-up: Hang Deco Stuff on back curtain, use a cardboard or wood divider (or hang curtain on clothes rack) -- make sure the partition does not block corners of the audience from seeing all the actors.
Change "Dating" to "Damsel"!
On one side is one stool (or throne) for the Prince, on the other side are three stools (or fancy princessy stools) for the Damsels -- So they cannot see each other!
The PRINCE can sit downstage, and the DAMSELS upstage, behind him. The PRINCE may not turn around to see them behind him. The PRINCE can wear a big prince hat that would block his side view.
To prevent the Prince from blocking the view of the Damsels, the Prince should sit on a lower chair than the Damsels, or the Damsels should stand behind him, instead of sit.

The SHOW HOST has the script written on index cards or a clipboard. The HOST hands the Question cards to the PRINCE, and prompts the PRINCE to read each question.
The DAMSELS give simple answers to the questions, that are easy to remember.

Take plenty of time onstage for characters to show expressions with their faces and bodies as they react to things or think about things. If the actors are funny, the audience will laugh, and the actors should continue showing expression until the laughter is over, and then say the next line.

The DAMSELS do not like each other so they should show jealousy or make faces at each other.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Damsel Game [ for 5 actors]
an easy comedy script by Jeannette Jaquish © 2013
This play may not be performed without permission of the author.

(TV Studio Set: splash daisy-like colored pieces on solid background, sign, simple, colorful.
MUSIC: ďDating Game Theme SongĒ

HOST - From the land of enchanted forests and slimy lake monsters, flame-spitting flying lizards and The Black Plague, from the culture that brought you ďthe last one alive inherits the throneĒ and the worst typecasting of step-parents and step-sisters ever, . . . .
Greetings and Salivations to all you Lords, Ladies and (gesture up) the Babbling Rabble in the Rafters! Itís . . . .
The Damsel Game!

(Music Louder, applause. Music Down but continuing. . . )

Thank you Johnny-OíBanter and his motley orchestra of indentured minstrels.

(MUSIC Louder for a moment, then back to normal)

I am your Host: Rumplestiltskin ( or Witch Warty-Nose). If this is your first time watching The Damsel Game let me explain how it works. On this show three charming young damsels will be interviewed by one lonely handsome prince who is not allowed to see them until after he has chosen one to be his Dream Date.
Letís meet them!
Our 1st Dazzling Damsel-- Come on out!
(SNOW WHITE ENTERS with a little (art store) fake bird on her finger, smiling and waving)
Her lovely voice is often heard singing with the birds she loves. Let us hear your beautiful voice, my dear!

SNOW WHITE - La la la la . . . ( Or ďI know you, Iíve walked with you once upon a dreamĒ)

HOST - Indescribable. This capable girl can set the table and cook up a meal for 7 hungry mouths plus herself! She has known a lot of very short men and would love to date a fellow she can look up to. You know her name, she is . . . . (give audience a chance to holler the answer) . . Snow White!
Have a seat, Snow White! Our Damsel Number One!

(SNOW WHITE sits on stool and pets her bird, smiling sweetly.)

HOST - Our 2nd Dazzling Damsel -- Come on out!
This lovely lady loves to dance, especially ballroom dancing...
(CINDERELLA ENTERS and dances in swirls)
Look at that grace and elegance! Her house is spotless because she loves scrubbing and cleaning!

CINDERELLA (stops dancing) - No I donít! I hate scrubbing and cleaning! They always make me do it! (dances)

HOST - Um, . . . And she is known throughout the land as having the smallest most dainty feet . . . Letís see those dainty feet, my dear. . .

(CINDERELLA holds up a foot, hopping.)

HOST - A bit of artistic license there by the Brothers Grimm . . . Whoo! Youíd need a crystal mailbox to fit that foot. (ahem!) Our damsel enjoys riding in enchanted pumpkins, and visiting dress shops with her Fairy Godmother. She is a good hearted gal, and looking for a fine upright young prince to sweep her off her feet.

CINDERELLA (stops dancing) - I hate sweeping!

HOST - Um. . . . to take her dancing on their Enchanted Date! You know her name . . . itís . . .(lets audience yell) . . . . Cinderella!

(Applause! CINDERELLA curtseys.)

HOST - Have a seat, Cinderella our Damsel Number Two!

(CINDERELLA goes to stool #2, looks at it, and pulls a spray bottle and small wipe towel from a loop or hidden flounce-pocket in her dress, and sprays and wipes off the stool, as HOST continues. When she is done, Cinderella will put bottle and towel back in pocket and sit on stool. )

HOST - Have we saved the best for last? You be the judge: Our Damsel Number Three, Come on out!

(RAPUNZEL ENTERS stroking and twirling her long hair, smiling and batting her eyes at the audience.)

HOST - Just awakened from a 100 year sleep, our lovely lady is eager to learn about this new 18th century with a handsome prince to show her around. . .

RAPUNZEL - Thatís not me!

HOST - Huh? Youíre not...

RAPUNZEL - Sleeping Beauty. Iím not Sleeping Beauty. (points backstage) Sleeping Beauty is snoring her head off backstage.

CINDERELLA - Oh, yeah! They poured a bucket of ice water on her.

SNOW WHITE - Still sleeping! (Snooooore!)

HOST - Then how. . . .did you. . . . ?

RAPUNZEL - Iím a back-up damsel.

HOST - Back-up Damsel. Back-up damsel. Where are my back-up damsel cards?
(pretends to thumb through cards, but it is really the next one)
My apologies, Lords and Ladies . . . and Rabble, I beg your forgiveness for this unforeseen notecard malfunction. So my dear, what is your name?

RAPUNZEL (holding up hair) - Duh, figure it out!

HOST - Uh. . . (looks to audience )


HOST (flipping through cards) - Rapunzel, Rapunzel, wherefore art thou Rapunzel . . . Here it is! (finds the card) A successful entrepreneur with her own line of hair care products, and neck strengthening workout videos, this young lady has no fear of heights having grown up imprisoned in a tower. She has won many awards for her singing.

RAPUNZEL - I can yodel 10 kilometers!

HOST - And she loves green salads.

RAPUNZEL - I HAVE to HAVE them! Leafy Greens! Greens! Greens!

HOST - You know her name . . .

RAPUNZEL, CINDERELLA, SNOW WHITE - We already did that! Rapunzel!

HOST - OK! Great! Now in order to keep our Handsome Prince from seeing or hearing our young damsels, we have kept him isolated offstage in a soundproof dungeon. Iíd like you to meet him right now, but he is not allowed to see the damsels until he makes his choice. Come on in Prince!

(PRINCE ENTERS swaggering, with chains wrapped around his waist and shoulders. He waves and grins like a movie star showing off. NOTE: The Prince enters so he does not see the damsels.)

HOST - Youíve seen him at dance balls, youíve seen him as a frog, youíve. . . . (calling offstage from whence the Prince entered) Goodness! Did you have to chain him up?

PRINCE - Oh, I put them on. They make me look macho. (wink to audience)

HOST - Oh, yes, dashing. Definitely. But they are a little noisy for the studio. Weíll just set the chains over here (puts them to the side) Now wait over here , my good prince, so you do not see our lovely damsels.

PRINCE - Ooo -la-la! I can hardly wait! Because, Iím not used to waiting. (Elvis style hair wipe)

HOST - (not amused) Ha. ha. Have a seat over here Princey while I introduce you to our audience and our curious eager young ladies.

(PRINCE sits on stool, and keeps making flirty faces and combing his hair.)

HOST - Youíve seen him at dance balls, youíve seen him as a frog, youíve heard of him in legend and song. His father the King wants him to get married and inherit the kingdom, but this bad boy just canít settle down. Handsome Prince! What are you looking for, here on The Damsel Game?

PRINCE - Iím looking for love!

DAMSELS - Ohhhh! (swooning)

----- This is the first 2/5 of the play. The Prince asks questions and gets some funny answers that show the personality and history of the damsels. He picks one and there is a big surprise in store for all, a short chase scene and a funny rescue and wrap-up. Contact the playwright at the link above to get more of the script.